Fun With The Drums

I went to see The Drums for the second time last night.

I decided to give Jacob a jumper. I also made a card for him

with a little drawing and my number in it.

I was so nervous, I kept thinking may be I shouldn't do this.

I felt like I was a creep, or more like I was scared people would

think I was such a creepy stalker.

But I knew I had to do it, or Im gonna regret it forever.

So I went with a friend, he wasn't even sure how I'd do it.

He keep saying that he'd close his eyes when I give Jacob the present.

We came early, right in front of the stage. On the left side

because I know he's always on the left side on the stage.

And they finally played.

I called his name, and he said 'hey'.

I was so happy seeing them performing, and I waited for the right time.

They finished singing their last song, and I call him again "Jacob!"

And he heard me, he saw me, I showed him the present.

And he came, closer. And grabbed the gift.

I was stunned, and he shook my hand.

I was in shocked. I was so happy...

We left, and went behind the hotel, and they were there with the fans.

I started saying hi to him, and he recognized me.

"Are you the one who gave me the lovely sweater?"

I told him, I think it would look good on him.

And he said, yeah I like it, I tried it on.

And then he just kept talking.

He was talking about music, about growing up in a Christian family

and his parents won't let him listen to music apart from

christian music, and he was also home schooled.

He was such a music geek, so adorable.

He told us a story of being an opening act for Florence

and for this crazy lady band, Celtic Women.

We talked about anime, and Disney films.

About Japan, about his up and coming tour to Indonesia.

About releasing their album after September

because they don't want people to continue thinking

that they're just a summer band.

He told us how he wanted to record more albums

he doesn't want to be one of those band who toured for 3 years

for the same album

And some other random things...

He finally said he should start packing up.

He said goodbye.

Ah did I tell you, he hugged me twice?

I love them, I love their music, and I love Jacob.

I hope they're gonna be around for a long time...

Tokyo and The Never-ending Question

I think I fell in love with Tokyo.

I loved it for the city, for the uniqueness

the food, the shopping, and most of all

I loved being surrounded by my friends.

I mean, I loved having coffee in the morning

with them, and complained about

how shit the coffee is in Tokyo.

At the same time, we talked about how

easy it is to get good coffee in Melbourne.

I love then having breakfast with them.

Just anything, or a Burger Lunch set from

Journal Standard.

And then just talked about things again

until dinner time, and then my favourite

would be having yakitori night.

All yummy skewers, and anything

with all you can drink, and but of course

indoor smoking. And then parties...

And the Japanese guys in Tokyo

are hot... I talked to a guy, he's really cool

good body, and handsome

but he doesn't speak much English

and as you know, I dont speak any Japanese

at the end of the night he kissed.

And not how I expected him to kiss me.

He literally just gave me a quick smooch

on my lips. No tongue, no french kissing.

On the way home in the cab my friend said

the Japanese guys are shy.

Ah, and he also said, 'I think he's bad.'

'I saw his tattoo, I think he's a part of the

Yakuza...'

When I was leaving Tokyo

I felt somehow so emotional about it.

Like, I love my friends there.

And it really just saddens me to think

that I won't see them for at least a few years

and may be in a few years time, they won't

all be there at the same place.

It got me thinking about searching

for the place I can call home.

Like the biggest question for me is

'Do we go places to get the thrill of it,

or do we look for a place we can call home.'

I think at the end everyone looks for a home.

And I simply haven't found one.

Indonesia is my home town, but I don't

think I can call it home.

Melbourne, is like my city. I live, I enjoy

I love and hate it at the same time.

So I guess after several times thinking

I came to a conclusion that where ever

you home is, you need to have the loved one

there with you to make it real.

At the end, it was an answer that just keeps

me questioning more about my contentment.

Tokyo

First thing I did when I got to Tokyo;

I gave William a big hug. I missed him

it had been way too long.

Met Mitz, and then Adrian and Takky

Lunch in this tiny but place called Camp Curry

Love the food, then I decided to go to

Harajuku by myself. I told you

I want to get lost, I want to experience

silly things, I want stop planning too much

things in my head.

It's like trying to break free from the

regular order of how things work in

my life. It was meant to be the most

out-of-control thing I'd ever do.

But later I found out that I have this scarily

amazing sense of direction. I didn't get lost,

not a single time during my stay. Not at all.

I even went to Asakusa alone. I went to

seek for some peacefulness in Meiji Jingu,

went to Kabuki theatre 50 days before

they shut it down.

I went to Tsukiji fish market early in the morning

and had the freshest sushi donburi,

I love the sea urchin there.

And I didn't get lost at all...

And just when I thought I'd never get

the chance to do the whole out-of-control thing

I started finding cool shops and they

are soooo incredibly priced...

I went shopping everyday. I decided

to just ignore the credit card bill

that would choke me when I go home.

I just bought everything that I want.

It felt so liberating, and I love how

I was so out of control...

And somewhere after that tiny souvenir shop

in Shibuya, to Edifice, 417, Hanjiro in Shinjuku

and Shima Kitazawa, I remember taking

a deep breath, and thought to myself

Hard work pays...

No Turning Back

Hey Babes

I invited my ex to this exhibition opening

It was in Carlton Club, it's called Finding Space

we hang out with friends from work as well

and um no it's all good

we're not back together again

like I respect him and all

Im proud of him

but I know that we're just not meant to be together

I feel like we (especially me) have grown up

so far from how we were before

like he's still the first guy

I have loved unconditionally

and nothing's gonna change that

but it was it

we're just friends now

Im really ready to just move on

and I wish him all the best in the future

mwa mwa.

I'm Just a Bitch

Hey babes...

went to the Somewhere Gallery opening

last week, and it was baaaaad.

Like, the Gallery was nice but

I was again face to face with the Melbourne's coolzies

I mean they're ok, but I never like try hards

I never like doing things to impress

I dont like non-practical things only for social status

Well that day it was about 36 degrees

the gallery was on the third floor

and there wasn't any air-con

it was like hell

and the hell turned into fashionista wannabe hell

These coolzies were wearing jackets, black winter jackets

and like another jacket with fur and feather trimming

pointy shoes, socks...

And for sure Fatso Hayley were there

with her famous slimming leggings and

fringey bag taking photos of the coolzies

hmmmm she gotta lose weight before anyone

can take her seriously.

I happened to go with a loser

who by the way chickened out after

he saw all the sea of coolzies

he wasn't going in, but I made him do

was there for only a minute

and then we left, and it made me one bitch and a half.

And The Reality Isn't Always That Gorgeous

hey babe

went to Sorrys for Bang Gang Halloween

I came as a drunk samurai

I got the kimono top from Made In Japan

on Australia on Collins

only for 52 dollars... Got a plastic sword too

Eye make up from face crayons...

It was so much fun!

Most people came as a vampire...

Thomas got me free entry

and then tequila shots

and then up stairs for some house

Was dancing when this guy grab my hand

tall, brunette, typical indie face

and he kissed me, so I kissed him back.

he said "Can I get your number?"

I said, why?

"Because we made out last time?"

and damn... I now remember...

Remember I told you I made out with a hot blonde?

Well I certainly didnt remember it correctly

it was the same guy.

Tall slender, brunette and indie.

I said, no.

He said, "Come home with me then."

I said, my boyfriend would kill me

I was lying. I just didnt wanna go home with anyone.

But then I said, but we can make out.

So we did, big time. Bouncer nearly kicked us out.

I then found out that we have mutual friends

So he asked me to add him on facebook

Hmmmm I dont know about that.

Unstoppable Than Ever. I Hope. part 2

I finished work at 9 last night

went home, spoke to my Mom

I managed to go to a 30th birthday

in Southpaw Bar in Gertrude

and then Madame Brussel

and then Sorry Grandma

we had shots of tequila and B151

and then we smoked some ciggy

and then I saw this cute guy

tall blond, slightly muscular

so handsome but I dont find him attractive

and then we danced, and he danced next to me

I put my hand on his body

then we danced together

and he started kissing me

we made out on the dance floor

we didnt even talk, didnt even know his name

didnt like the way he kissed me though

I tried to slow him down but forget it

I told him, Ima see my friends

and I went home thinking,

its funny how I often kiss a guy in a straight night.

Rockin' It With King Kong

It was funny in the weekend

Like I was planning to go out fri, sat, sun night.

Friday was a big fail, terrible weather

it was supposed to be dj Sammy Jo at Closet on friday

I went and it was so dead... so I left early

then saturday I have a friends house party

again shit weather, so I stayed in

and then sunday and another shit weather

it was Gay Bash at Sorry Grandma

I went and it was one of the best party ever...

Olympic Games was the theme that night

you get in and they will give you a fake drug test

I came out negative

people were dressing up like athletes

and Grecian god/goddess

I wore my black draped cowl neck top

Everyone danced and have fun

people introduce themselves to me

everyone was so friendly and drunk

my new BFF introduced me to his model friend

he's straight, but yeah whatever, he's a model in a gay party

he kissed me on my cheek and said you smell so good.

I smiled, thank you, and left and danced again

my BFF also know this other slightly less hot model

but this guy was dancing topless

and everyone threw themselves to him

and so I did

I danced near him, and when he started lookin at me

I grab his muscular arm and danced closer to him

I didnt expect anything

just me dancing body to body with a model

he's just perfectly toned. its very nice to dance to

especially when I run my hands on his body.

we introduced each other

then he said, "look at your baby face."

I said, guess how old I am.

"nineteen?"

shook my head, thirty two

"No way!" he moved closer and said

"what's your secret? Did you put cum all over your face everynight?"

I laughed, No no. That might work though.

"So tell me your secret."

You dont need anything, you're perfect.

A kissed on my cheek and then I left dancing again.

it was so cold and windy in the smoking area

came back from my ciggy break

making my way to the dance floor and

saw this handsome rugged-ey guy

we shared the glance and then then dance together

he then lift me up, my arms holding him around his neck

his arm was on my back, pressing my body to his body

his other hand stayed firm lifting my upper thigh

my legs around his hips

and we were rockin' it

I felt like I was dancing with King Kong

at the end of the night he came back and talk to me

he gave me his name, no number

he said, "meet me up at Hairy Canary, thursday 12 o'clock..."

Big Fucked Messed Up

Thursday night and it was all messy

made out with someone I shouldn't have

then everyone thought I was a bitch

because my friend likes this guy

and it was his birthday

then the guy passed out, and puked

had to go outside with him

and his friends thought I spiked his drink

and then he had to go to hospital

and the next day my supervisor

told me he liked me

and that made me feel awful

I felt like a mean mean meanest biatch in the world.

Saturday night went out, drunk, swiped my card

woke up the next day and got a text from Mom

its all family mess all over again.

Called my aunty only to find out more of the mess

at the end she said "Kamu satu-satunya harapan Ibumu."

Turn Cold (2)

I had to shower, Asian way. I finally hung up the phone, turned the heater on next to me. I duck in the big bucket, got some hot water from the basin and pour it on my body. Fuck me, my legs are too long for the fucking bucket. They still kinda stick out from the bucket area, so the water drips everywhere. But I thought it was okey, at least it wasnt as cold as I thought.

And I was wrong. The moment I start scrubbing soaps on my body, I realised how cold it was. Makes sense, no warm water running on you. My heater just seemed to make it worse. I just quickly get another bucket of hot water clean the soap on my body and was just swearing to myself. Fuck this shower shit ass. Fuck my hangover. So I dried myself using the hairdryer. Now, time to wash my hair.

I bent over so my head could get as close as possible to the wash basin. Put my head under the water thingy and put some shampoo. And motherfucker, shampoo went to my eyes. I quickly try to pull my head out from the water basin thing, and knocked my head to the water thingy (you know, the long thingy where the water pours out of it). So I thought enough, Im not doing this anymore. I'd rather shower at my friend's place.

Went to work, surprisingly I was still drunk enough to act nice and smile to everyone. Until, 2pm, and I was out of it. Finished work, cought up with Kiki and Julia, showered at her place. Warm shower, I would never take that for granted ever again.

PS. In case you're wondering what happened with the party... The police came, people had to go inside, no more music. The next day, the neighbours were screaming at them, telling them how outraged they are because of the laneway party. And they got fined. $500 fine...

Turn Cold (1)

It all starts with a water stain on the ceiling. Apparently we have some problems with our tiles in the shower cubicle. So that saturday afternoon, during my short coffee break, I got a message from my housemate telling me that we would not be able to use the shower for at least 2 weeks. Fuck me. They said, they need a week to dry the ceiling, and another week to fix it.

My housemate said it's ok because they bought a huge bucket so we can put it next to our small basin, so we can use another small bucket to get water from the basin and pour it on our body while we duck or scoot in the big bucket. Fuck me, it's so primitive. So like what I did when I was little in Indo. Ah another thing, we're meant to put a heater on next to us when we shower coz my housemate said it would be cold.

I completely forgot that I had to go to this big house party that night. It was Macaulay Culkin's theme. I went as Richie Rich for the sake of the irony because I was wearing my $7.50 blazer from savers :P I went with some beers to Carlton North. I got there and oh gosh, one of the best things I've ever seen in my life. It was 3 houses next to each other, and they decided to make this party together, so at the end it was a big party in the alley way. The crowed are also mixed, I guess each house has different kind of guess. Also different kind of music. It was awesome.

I met my old friends. I met many new people. I saw so many hippies. I saw so many rich hippies. I saw college students. I saw the hot jocks. It was great. I met a guy who works for David Jones as well, we properly introduced each other and finally talked that night. And I fucking met one of my happy customer! I sold him a $1,400 worth of suit from Gieves and Hawkes. He seemed happy, he bought it for his interview and he is doing well :) Fucking random though meeting your customers in a house party when you're drunk.

I decided to go home around 2am, I had to work that morning. I remembered, people taking e's only to find out that the neighbours called the cops. So the cops came, and ordered everyone to stay inside and turn off the music. I remembered their bright lights and the alley way. I walked out from the party, run into a pole when catching a cab home.

I woke up the next day having to get ready to work. My mom texted me around 6am. She wanted to talked to me about my sister's shit again. I called her, and just listened to her with my shoulder holding my phone against my ear, while Im brushing my teeth. I was just listening to her crying. And I realised I couldn't use the fucking shower. Fuck me...

One Perfect Saturday Night

So yeah, last saturday' weather was so shit/great? I mean it was cold, cloudy, dark, grey and rainy. But it was to me the perfect day to stay in. Especially since I kinda went out on friday night. So i decided to get groceries, cooked some green thai curry, bought some meat pies, and strawberry ice cream. Mary went out that night so I had the whole apartment for myself. Plus i had sunday off. So the result was, the perfect saturday night in. I ate 4 bowls of curry and rice, in my sofa under my blanket, then have 2 meat pies, and had around 5 portions of ice cream plus milk. I was watching dvd too... aah I fell asleep like a baby. And I loved it.

mwa mwa.

Just Me, The Night, And a Glass of Merlot

Ok seriously, if you are reading this, please read the previous blog entry first because that one is super important to me... I feel chatty, may be Im feeling lonely. May be I need to talk. But I feel fine. I cut my arm yesterday (ladder accident) so I find it hard to type. But yes may be Im feeling lonely. And it's good and bad at the same time. Just me, the night, and a glass of my cheap nice merlot. Billie Holiday is singing Moonglow for me. And somehow wine just taste sweeter. Im not planning to go out this weekend, but may be I should. You know what a lonely heart can do, right? But again my heart has died, so it seems that I could use some friends around me without having to spend too much money.

I started to think it's stupid to spend money on alcohol. Money can buy me time with friends, but alcohol makes me forget all the fun. And dear friends, answer my stupid question. What do people do when they have nothing to do? What if there are a lot of time and nothing to do? I tend to think, and I dont like thinking and feeling.

Ah, life can be maaaarvelous but what do people do to make life marvelous? Billie Holiday is being such a darl for singing Moonglow one more time. Tell me, what does a lonely person with limited money, and a lot of time to spend, do to make life maaarvelous? Ah my heart has died, I don't know how to feel things properly.

The Only Constant Is Change

Yesterday was the exact 10 years after my dad's passing away. I prayed for him, I hope he find some peace. I miss him a lot, I can't even describe it. Imagine you want to talk to someone so bad, but he's just no where you can find. Can't text him, can't call him. But I still feel him around when I miss him. I love him, always. The only man I ever love LOVE...

By the way he taught me so many times, that the only constant is change. Sounds like a theory in a management subject, yeah? Well, it is. But, it really does apply in everything, I guess it is an absolute thing. Ah and these past few months, you guys might've known, that there are soooo many changes I have to go through. The most recent one would be, Denny. He went home for good. And yesterday I found Mary's going home for good too. And I feel like this is too much for me... Like, how many times do I have to say goodbye in 6 months? I hate goodbyes.

Another problem would be, my apartment. Mary's not here, meaning I have to find a new place. Im totally screwed. I would love to get a cool new place, but at the same time, I dont have money. See, Im not as rich as I used to be anymore. (I was really rich). And I need to get a good job, a real job. Get money and get new place. It all seems too much for me. I don't know how Im going to handle this. On top of everything, I can't believe my sister just couldn't care less about my shit, and just get self-consumed with her own shit, and her shit husband and her fug step kids shit.

Good thing is today I got paid. So I had an ok (but not so fabulous and definately cheaper) lunch with an old friend and just bitch about what shit that we'd been through. Then had 2 beers at Matchbox. Yes dear friends, only had 2 of them. I could not afford my old fabulous lifestyle, drinking from 1 pm till 1 am. I could not afford them. But good thing again, I decided to cook myself some carbonara, bought a bottle of nice Merlot for 7.50, and bought 2 mangoes. Dinner, nice wine and mangoes. It is probably the new lifestyle I should be living. It was fantastic, in a simpler way. I must be getting use to this, and I should enjoy the simpleness and sweetness of this. I will be going to bed soon, with one of the fashion book I borrowed from city library. Voila, sweet simple life.

Back again, I know I still have lots of shit I have to deal with. But I think I will deal with it one by one. And as my dad said change is the only constant, meaning I should try to work with the changes because it will always be there. And yes sometimes I have to work harder, but it is life, and it can't always be easy. But at least hard work will get you somewhere better. So I will get myself new friends, and somehow new place to live. Wish me luck... mwa mwa.

Jarome Talks About Insecurity

When I think of it, I remember I couldn't deal with my insecurity. Like, I mean, Im still kinda insecure now. Breaking up sort of makes me feel even worse about myself. Im scared to talk to people about what I really feel about thing, and sometimes I overexaggerate what I really feel.

I just couldn't deal with it. I would go out, get drunk and trashed and be a total bitch. Then I would throw a glass of drink on some random annoying person on the dance floor. I would leave with my friends at the end of the night, and I remember ranting "I need a good lawyer! I need a good lawyer!" And when I woke up in the morning, I felt really aweful, I knew I shouldn't've done that. So I would drag my hungover ass and dizzy head to a supermarket, and make cakes and cookies. They sorta make me feel less guilty.

Gayrobic Party

Gayrobic party last night. It was sooooo much fun, and there was this mistery hot guy, ah he left 10 minutes after I got there. But yeah. And that hot cocky guy is there, love the arrogance and like Im snobbish, he's cocky we belong together. At one point fucking straight bogan neighbours trying to come to the party, but they we're so rude, they thought by coming in in their underwear they can show some masculinity and shit. Like it's just gay what they did. Then we got a performance by some girls outside, and we all started dancing on the street. By the time we came back inside, those 3 bogan guys were inside, fully naked. Taylor kicked them out and they were pissed. What the fuck...

It was so much fun. Mwa mwa, party me up.

Gallery Opening, Fuck Me

I went to Skin and Bones Opening just then. Interesting and fuuuuuuuuck, these people are so talented. You should check it out on the 117 Little Lonsdale, Bus Gallery! My favourite would be Kiki Ando's Mary and Jesus cape and the Elephant made out of paper next to it. It's Maaaaaaarvelous.

And one thing, I realised there's no better place to meet hot guys other than a Gallery opening... And so many thin attractive thin people... Fuck me. In the toilet. Ah it's getting to hot. Im getting a haircut on friday, so hopefully I can look good for the gallery opening this saturday night!!!

Undertone, Alluva Bar

Fuck me hard. It couldve been the perfect day to go out for a nice coffee and read a book. But the weather is fucking with me. Thing is, I was sober the night before so it couldve been fantastic. But instead I got stuck at home after dressing up coz we don't have fucking umbrella. And yes of course 3 episodes of Desperate Housewives and fucking pizza delivery.

Went to Alluva for Undertone, because Jeyda is working there. Fuck me again, it rained again. And honestly I'm not a fan of the event, but I was happy to be there for her and Vin. Ended up going to Toff and 2 lychee martinis. Bugga de zoom, I was drunk again. I mean, don't blame me, Toff does make one of the best martinis. Just beautiful. And me and Vin started talking heart to heart, I think he's such a great guy. Im very proud of him.

Non-Alco Night

I was sober at a club last night. How cool is that, I finally enjoy clubbing for the dancing again. And I realised that guys were eye-ing me that night, but I think I scared them hahahaha. Or may be they were just thinking "that guy is a freak". I dunno, but I have fun. But I think Ive seen all the guys in Melbourne, may be it's time to move somewhere else.

By the way that Indo-designer-wannabe was there. What the fuck was he thinking, like he's short and look like a dump of muscles. Hmmm dont you think that designers should know the very basic of what's beautiful?

I decided not to come to Africa with Rick. First because Im broke, and second I think it would be too much for me. I nees sometime you know. He's leaving on the 20th, and I think he'll be back in mid January. Im gonna miss him, like I dont know how it's like not having him around!

Sunday Mess

Sunday morning, woke up just somehow I felt like crap. I was once again thinking about the break up and whether I made the right decision. Plus, Im broke. I thought I'd just spend the whole day at home. But Denny was meeting up with Amar. I thought again I havent seen Amar for a while, and he just came back from Mumbai, he was there when the bombing happened. So I decided to go and see how he was doing.

Walking to Ca De Vin at GPO, and the way there I met an old friend. This guy is nice but he's kind of like a hater. Not a hater, he just doesn't like people who goes out a lot and things. He used to call me socialite who only spend parents money. But he asked me out once. I didnt want to. So after the break up, I really feel like I should look like Im doing good. I dont want him to have that 'I feel so sorry for you' look. Like I dont want him to say 'told you, you were better off with me'.

I met him, and the first thing he said was "are you drunk?". What is wrong with me? I wasn't drunk, I didnt even drink the night before. Argh. May be alcohol has finally sits in my system permanently. Fuck it, I ignored him. Finally met Amar, he looks like he's doing good, he looked fresh. But for the next 2 hours we didnt end up talking about the Mumbai incident, instead we talked about break up and things. I mean, Amar was considering about getting back together with Bachir, Denny just broke up, and all I could do is just being the strong me, and the cynical me while I enjoyed some glasses of red.

And then Amar asked me to come to Cynthia's farewell party at Belgian Beer Cafe. Went there and it was so good meeting everyone. However, I felt like some of them still give me that pity look. And I know they do that because they care about me. But to me it's better when people see me as a strong person, it just somehow makes me stronger. I went to the bar to get a pint of Hoegarden. I didnt know that the serve would be massive. I mean it was a massive glass of beer. I could feel some people looking at me, and they all said, what the fuck! Thats massive! So it was, a chance to show people that Im doing better but instead I made them think that Im not coping with it well, and that Im like the biggest alkie. Oh well, I think Im ok. I probably should stop drinking so people know that Im ok.