P.S. go to cinema now. NOW!

Dude, dont you think we all have to go to cinema now. Right NOW? With the fucking swine flu pandemic, its only a matter of minutes til it reaches Melbourne. When that happens, they would close cinemas (and possibly bars too?) just like what happened in Mexico, to minimise the risk of viral infection outbreak. So go to cinema tonight. You might not be able to do that tomorrow.

Climb, Climb, Climb Higher...

I've got to get ready to work in about one and a half hour... I havent done jackshit since this morning and that's what I hate about working in the afternoon, I just can't do anything... Anyway I feel like going out for a few drinks tonight, just a few drinks coz I have to work tomorrow morning... and sunday as well. Ah well my partying days are over I should be more serious from now on.

I met my ex'es cousin yesterday, she was somehow very bitchy to me (always has been) and she was telling me that she works next door to my apartment. She did mention it was boring job. Now is it just me or everyone around me have been bitching about works recently. Like I do bitch about work too but I think Im used to it by now. Im not saying that bitching about your work is bad, in fact everyone do it. And then she asked me how is everything with David Jones, and I answered, the same answer I give to everyone who ask me the same question, "I dont love it, but yeah it's a job. I dont hate it. I simply dont want to sweat about it too much. At the end of the day it pays."

Like I think it's called work for a reason. People have to "work". Now you dont always have to love what you do. I mean you would be one of a thousand super lucky people if you get your dream job and loving it. But again, there would always be those days when you're stressing out about it. Because that's what work is. So bitching is fine, but seriously dont sweat it too much. If you dont like it then quit it. Dont let the negative energy affect you.

Anyway, I cant be fucked doing anything at the moment. Listening to Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Zero. Im gonna get up and make myself some milky oatmeal, and may be some pancakes as well. Shit, I have to do the dishes. I still miss my family a lot, Im jealous of people who have their family around. It's just not fair sometimes. Like I mean, I have done so many things recently and my mom and my sister arent here so I can share it with them.

Oh well, Im not being a drama queen. I dont like them. Im gonna eat my breakfast and then go to work, hopefully Achira or Tara would be working the shoes department so I could hide in the shoe reserves and sit down and have our own little bitch, and probably try a few shoes...

Sunday Morning Song

Contemplating Completeness

I have a plan in my head. It seems perfect to me but to everyone else it might seem very selfish, immature and a little thoughtless. I want to go back to uni next year doing fashion. I don't want to do any accounting job. I want to keep doing fashion. That's what I want to do. But then doesn't that mean all this 4 years of hard work and money that I spent on my degree would go to waste?

Cintaku Hidupku Harapanku Duniaku Bahagiaku

If I ever could ask who I want to be, I would wanna be with him... We would make a good couple... Cintaku Hidupku Harapanku Duniaku Bahagiaku... mwa...

Hahahaha I meant I had the biggest crush on this guy. And Im proud of what he has achieved...

2.39 am

Hmmm nothing much. Went home from work and had dinner and watch tv for a bit. And then I nap for about 2 hours so I cant sleep right now. Good thing that Im working at 12 tomorrow. I have been working a lot lately. And its great. Im loving it, this is what I wanted. A routine. I work, go home, dinner, chill, sleep, and work again and so on. And I still get to have fun in weekend or whenever I can. Did I tell you David Jones loves me and they offered me a part time position? I feel so proud of it. Yes I know, its only a retail job, and I think I deserve better than that. But come on, it's David Jones and I only started working for them in November. You know, it's another prove that hard worl pays. I hate the work politics though. But I think Im doing it well :P

I havent been going out, so it's good. Only planning to go for Amar's birthday this saturday, and I will not be going out. Im only going to the dinner. I feel fine so far. No boys at the moment but it's good. You know I cant be with any of them at the moment anyway.

Hey, Im starting to kinda realise that I unconsciously never really believe or at least I never really think of keeping a long term relationship. I dream of it, but I just dont think that I actually have the gut to keep it as a long term. You know, growing up as a muslim in Asia, with a lot of responsibility for my family, it's just somehow not my priority. Like what I mean is, I want it but somehow lately I've been realising that compared to many of my friends, I dont think as much about actually having it or trying to get it when I think of my future. Somehow it's just not one of those priority to me. When I think of the future, I picture happyness from career and success, and keeping my Mom and my sister happy.

It's getting late and Im talking more non-sense. Ive been spending my money better lately. Especially since I moved to Jonny's apartment and work regularly. I cute down my smoking to only 2 packs a week (from a pack a day). But it doesnt mean that I put some money on my saving. See this is how it works for me. I spend half of my salary on shopping and also as always good money and good wine, and then the rest I somehow try to manage living on the rest of my money. I started to realised that shopping and those dine out makes me happy. Im still however sometimes think of how much money I had before, how much my Mom would send me. I was rich. Im just scared that Im gonna end up being that kinda person whose happyness only depends on how much he earn and how much he can spend.

Have a listen to Hey Little Rich Girl by The Specials.

Sasha's Questions...

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Summer Strawberry ice cream and milk.
2. last phone call = Andrew
3. last text message = to Sasha
4. last song you listened to = Vampire Weekend, Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa
5. last time you cried = few months ago

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = no and I dont really believe it
7. been cheated on = hopefully not
8. kissed someone & regretted it = yes
9. lost someone special = yes...
10. been depressed = very super sad yes but I dont think I was depressed, its a big word
11. been drunk and threw up = yeah not so bad anymore, I think Im well trained.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. wine-red
13. navy
14. black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. made a new friend = yes, many of them actually.
16. fallen out of love = kinda
17. laughed until you cried = yeap, drunk night in denpasar, with Liz, Mary, Budi and Leo.
18. met someone who changed you = Yeah I love people who inspire me.
19. found out who your true friends were = everyone is my true friend hahahah
20. found out someone was talking about you = yes and I made sure the got what they deserve too. Asshole.
21. kissed anyone on your friend's list = yes

THINGS THAT DESCRIBE ME:
22. how many people on your friends list do you know in real life = All but one, but this guy taught me spanish.

23. how many kids do you want to have = I either wanna have 3 kids or no kids
24. do you have any pets = I wanna have cats and may be puppies.
25. do you want to change your name = I dont think so but I want to use my dad's last name so I would be: badra hariadi.
26. what did you do for your last birthday = I had a fantastic dinner with my ex at seamstress. Loved it. Got home and found my friends made a surprise party!
27. what time did you wake up today = 8 am!
28. what were you doing at midnight last night = watching Skins in bed.
29. name something you CANNOT wait for = having enough money to go overseas and do a fashion degree.
30. last time you saw your mother = Last year in August.
31. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = hmmm I hate saying there are quite a few... But hmmm I wish I'd be taking more chance in life.
32. what are you listening to right now = Done Done by Frankmusik
33. have you ever talked to a person named Tom = I talked kissed and slept with Tom.
34. what's getting on your nerves right now = Some stuff from work.
35. most visited webpage = Facebook and youtube
36. what's your real name = Badra
37. nicknames = Andra, Andha, dra, B, Badj, Baji.
38. relationship status = single
39. zodiac sign = Gemini
40. male or female? = male!
41. elementary? = SD Islam 3
42. middle school = SMP 1 pekalongan
43. high school/college = SMU 1 Jalan Kartini
44. hair color = black
45. long or short = short boyish short
46. height = 174 cm
47. do you have a crush on someone? = yes
48: what do you like about yourself? = HmmI eat a lot and I stay thin?
49. piercings = none
50. tattoos = no, I want to but my Mom will kill me
51. righty or lefty = Righty

FIRSTS :
52. first injury = I poked my forehead with a metal stick when I was 4, I still have the scar
53. first piercing = not yet?
54. first best friend = Ina and Achonk
55. first sport you joined = swimming
56. first vacation = I think my family took me to Borobudur but I cant remember, I have the pics.
58. first pair of trainers = Something white with a blue tick.

RIGHT NOW
59. eating = I stop eating at 9.
60. drinking = water
61. I'm about to = watch skins and sleeps
62. listening to = Billie Holiday "Glad to be Unhappy"
63. waiting on = sleeping

YOUR FUTURE :
64. want kids?= Not so sure but most likely no.
65. get married? = Not so sure. But would love to have someone.
66. career? = Top Fashion Design Job in New York
67. lips or eyes = eyes
68. hugs or kisses = Hugs but dont mind kisses as long as it's slow, soft and intense...
69. shorter or taller = taller
70. older or younger = I somehow have this rules, only 4 years gap. Preferably older, but dont mind younger as long as I can be proud of it.
71. romantic or spontaneous = Spontanious, thrilling.
72. nice stomach or nice arms = Nice arms...
73. sensitive or loud = in between
74. hook-up or relationship = relationship but I dont want something restraining
75. trouble-maker or hesitant = in between.

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. kissed a stranger = yes
77. drank hard liquor = yes
78. lost glasses/contacts = dont need them
79. had sex on first date = nope!
80. broken someone's heart = I might've
81. had your own heart broken = yes
82. been arrested = no, I have good lawyers!
83. turned someone down = yes, but I regret it so much!
84. cried when someone died = yes yes I have feelings too
85. fallen for a friend? = nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. yourself = only when I tell myself to
87. miracles = not really.
88. love at first sight? = all the time, cintaku hidupku duniaku bahagiaku harapanku
89. heaven = yes
90. Santa Claus = NO!
91. kiss on the first date = duh yeah.
92. angels = Not angels with wings. Just angels.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time = No and Never will
95. did you sing today? = more like humming.
96. ever cheated on somebody? = never and that something I know I wont do.
97. if you could go back in time, how far would you go?= Just the time when I still have my family around me.
98. if you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = one of those drunken days with good food good wine good cocktails after a whole day shopping
99. are you afraid of falling in love? = I love having a crush, but love is a different story.
100. posting this as 100 truths? = nooooooooooo!

Senja

Duhai senja, dan hari kemarin. Berapa senjakah harus berlalu senyap warna jingga agar senyapnya merasuki pikiran kalutku yang buntu. Musim dingin sudah menghangat, yang hangat sudah membeku tapi otak dan hatiku tidak kian surut beradu. Asmara masih merah bagai lahar menyeruak sebagaimana pula amarah dalam duka dalam sepi dalam hidup yang semakin nestapa. Duhai senja, akulah satu jiwa yang tersesat di hari yang lalu.

Skins and Tony

I borrowed Skins from Josh, I didnt even know what that would be. I just thought I want to stay home and watch dvd. But goooooosh, its fucking awesome! I love it. I finally love a teen tv drama! And I have borrowed season one and two, so I'll be watching one episode everynight!

Thing is, I kinda thought that Tony is cute. Not like physically cute. But it's his coolness, and naughty ness, and he'a a bad boy, and he's tall and I dont know, something about his look is very cool. Check out this video from the first season ep one, when he sings, I like the second version in this video. But how wrong is that that he is actually only 19, like what the fuck is with me and younger boys lately? Like I think Im old now and Im still trapped in my 18hoodness. Even gross when I showed my housemate this show, and he said, "He looks familiar. He looks like the boy from that movie About The Boy, Hugh Grant movie."

And he was right, Tony was that little boy from that movie. Gross. But good to know some kids are actually growing into good looking boys.

Trash Love. Sweet.

Im just repeating what I said to Sashark today.

So a hotboy I had a fling with ended up being trashy and get into a relationship with this fashion-try~hard trash. Not that I care but who doesnt secretly wish that the guy you slept with would somehow be in love with you? Not necessarily a serious kinda love but I think everyone secretly hope that he would be into you more than you're into him.

Anyway, despite the fact that I'm secretly annoyed, I really find that super sweet. I mean, I find it sweet how two trash, find love in each other. Like, it's just a solid proof that love isnt only for people on TV. You dont have to be classy or have a good life to be in love, and to be lovable. It's like there is something sweet about how they see each other beyond the trashiness that other people see in them. It's just like Shrek, but instead of ugly fat ogres, they are two trashy boys. Sweet.

Sophisticated Sappy

I feel like saying this, people might think that my life is almost perfect but I know now that it wont feel complete without you.

Jarome Jackson

Life and Those Sad Sophisticated Stories

I know I havent blogged for a while, and not because life is boring at the moment. A lot of things happened. I got an interview with Emporio Armani, moved back to my old apartment, and mary left yesterday. Good thing is, I finally got my residency yesterday! At the moment though my computer is dead, so Im actually doing this from my PSP!