Fun With The Drums

I went to see The Drums for the second time last night.

I decided to give Jacob a jumper. I also made a card for him

with a little drawing and my number in it.

I was so nervous, I kept thinking may be I shouldn't do this.

I felt like I was a creep, or more like I was scared people would

think I was such a creepy stalker.

But I knew I had to do it, or Im gonna regret it forever.

So I went with a friend, he wasn't even sure how I'd do it.

He keep saying that he'd close his eyes when I give Jacob the present.

We came early, right in front of the stage. On the left side

because I know he's always on the left side on the stage.

And they finally played.

I called his name, and he said 'hey'.

I was so happy seeing them performing, and I waited for the right time.

They finished singing their last song, and I call him again "Jacob!"

And he heard me, he saw me, I showed him the present.

And he came, closer. And grabbed the gift.

I was stunned, and he shook my hand.

I was in shocked. I was so happy...

We left, and went behind the hotel, and they were there with the fans.

I started saying hi to him, and he recognized me.

"Are you the one who gave me the lovely sweater?"

I told him, I think it would look good on him.

And he said, yeah I like it, I tried it on.

And then he just kept talking.

He was talking about music, about growing up in a Christian family

and his parents won't let him listen to music apart from

christian music, and he was also home schooled.

He was such a music geek, so adorable.

He told us a story of being an opening act for Florence

and for this crazy lady band, Celtic Women.

We talked about anime, and Disney films.

About Japan, about his up and coming tour to Indonesia.

About releasing their album after September

because they don't want people to continue thinking

that they're just a summer band.

He told us how he wanted to record more albums

he doesn't want to be one of those band who toured for 3 years

for the same album

And some other random things...

He finally said he should start packing up.

He said goodbye.

Ah did I tell you, he hugged me twice?

I love them, I love their music, and I love Jacob.

I hope they're gonna be around for a long time...

By Far The Most Creative Year So Far

I draw a lot. I dream. I design.

I admire other's work and random beauties.

I have moments, sometimes in the morning,

and sometimes at night.

Sometimes even in between a cigarette puff

or some sips of coffee.

Moments to dream, to imagine, to re-imagine.

To continue searching, and getting closer to it.

Thing's are just a tad bit clearer, yet it seems easier.

I'm having a moment in my life where

I feel free to explore, to let myself go

yet still able to look at the past to draw some inspiration

I let all this rush of creative energy rushing in to my head

through my body and soul and mind.

It dictates me to create things, and to analyze,

and I love the urge to do it.

I pray today and tomorrow that I would always have this.

The Text Message I Never Get To Read

About a week ago, work was super intense and I was working overtime,
and one morning I had 2 text messages in my phone.

I looked at it, and one of them is from the Architect.

It said on the preview, just one line that I could read;

"Hey... I felt awkward about --"

and so I tried to click on it and read the whole thing,

for some reason, my phone didn't save it.

Gone, and gone, and I didn't get to read it.

I texted him back, and then can't wait so I called him.

He didn't admit that he sent anything...

And he said, let's catch up.

So we tried but I had to cancel on him because of work.

And he never replied and got back to me.

The architect and the message I never got to read.

Us and the stupid things around us.

Never meant to work out, I'd say.

Things would've been easier if it's meant to be, isn't it?

This Doesn't Make Sense

I'm feeling like I might be missing you right now.

You know, I went out for dinner with another guy,

and I suddenly missed you.

Probably cause he was shit and I was happy that

I had you, at least had a chance with someone like you

and may be I didn't realize that you are better than most people

I don't know, I'm having sauerkraut for dinner and I remember

German food that we're supposed to have together (if we ever hanged out again)

I don't think I want to be with you

but I'm romanticizing us again, and you and you and you again.

I want to see you again.

This doesn't make sense, I know I won't like you

when I finally see you again. You're just that funny kind.

This doesn't make sense.

But what does, nothing about us makes any sense.

But nothing has to make sense, because you are you

and I miss you. Even when it makes no sense, at all.

Still Feeling So Unforgiving (Hater)

I have those days where I feel so restless,

and every single thing that doesn't go right

slaps me on my face and made me feel so angry.

Like I'm just a bitter person.

I hate the whole world, sometimes.

At the moment I hate everyone in the world.

Examples...

The friend who's so bitter and self consumed

and has made me the biggest villain in the world.

The friend who never called me again since

he got himself a short ugly boyfriend.

The Singaporean friends who can't eat for shit,

The friends who try so hard to look like

a high fashion models, but still look so shit.

The friend who always try to poach all the guys

I'd been associated with.

The friends who always go for every single guy

on earth, and not admitting it.

The friend who asked me out only so that he

doesn't have to be alone when he's hunting for guys.

The ex boyfriend who fucked up my life.

The ex best friend who is a dumb ass.

I hate you, and how could you make waste a second

in my life to deal with your fucking rubbish.

You just ruined me. Thank you very much.

Never mind, I'm still standing.

I'll be alright, just wait and see.

Patience is a Virtue

Currently, I'm feeling like I haven't had anything

eventful in my life. Like, nothing is a real deal.

Things are just dull.

Did you ever feel like you should be doing something

bigger than what you are currently doing?

And also you feel like if it's not gonna happen now

it might never happen?

I feel like I'm being chased to make a big move

or some kind of life changing decision.

And I don't know what.

But think again, we're only young once.

And I constantly feel scared that I'm letting my youth

passes by, and wasting it.

I'm afraid I'm not having enough fun,

not dating enough boys, not experiencing enough things.

Coz we're only young once.

Worry

I'm slowly realising that things that matter to you today

might no longer matter tomorrow. And I do hope that all this worry

would be gone when I wake up tomorrow...