Fun With The Drums

I went to see The Drums for the second time last night.

I decided to give Jacob a jumper. I also made a card for him

with a little drawing and my number in it.

I was so nervous, I kept thinking may be I shouldn't do this.

I felt like I was a creep, or more like I was scared people would

think I was such a creepy stalker.

But I knew I had to do it, or Im gonna regret it forever.

So I went with a friend, he wasn't even sure how I'd do it.

He keep saying that he'd close his eyes when I give Jacob the present.

We came early, right in front of the stage. On the left side

because I know he's always on the left side on the stage.

And they finally played.

I called his name, and he said 'hey'.

I was so happy seeing them performing, and I waited for the right time.

They finished singing their last song, and I call him again "Jacob!"

And he heard me, he saw me, I showed him the present.

And he came, closer. And grabbed the gift.

I was stunned, and he shook my hand.

I was in shocked. I was so happy...

We left, and went behind the hotel, and they were there with the fans.

I started saying hi to him, and he recognized me.

"Are you the one who gave me the lovely sweater?"

I told him, I think it would look good on him.

And he said, yeah I like it, I tried it on.

And then he just kept talking.

He was talking about music, about growing up in a Christian family

and his parents won't let him listen to music apart from

christian music, and he was also home schooled.

He was such a music geek, so adorable.

He told us a story of being an opening act for Florence

and for this crazy lady band, Celtic Women.

We talked about anime, and Disney films.

About Japan, about his up and coming tour to Indonesia.

About releasing their album after September

because they don't want people to continue thinking

that they're just a summer band.

He told us how he wanted to record more albums

he doesn't want to be one of those band who toured for 3 years

for the same album

And some other random things...

He finally said he should start packing up.

He said goodbye.

Ah did I tell you, he hugged me twice?

I love them, I love their music, and I love Jacob.

I hope they're gonna be around for a long time...

By Far The Most Creative Year So Far

I draw a lot. I dream. I design.

I admire other's work and random beauties.

I have moments, sometimes in the morning,

and sometimes at night.

Sometimes even in between a cigarette puff

or some sips of coffee.

Moments to dream, to imagine, to re-imagine.

To continue searching, and getting closer to it.

Thing's are just a tad bit clearer, yet it seems easier.

I'm having a moment in my life where

I feel free to explore, to let myself go

yet still able to look at the past to draw some inspiration

I let all this rush of creative energy rushing in to my head

through my body and soul and mind.

It dictates me to create things, and to analyze,

and I love the urge to do it.

I pray today and tomorrow that I would always have this.

Patience is a Virtue

Currently, I'm feeling like I haven't had anything

eventful in my life. Like, nothing is a real deal.

Things are just dull.

Did you ever feel like you should be doing something

bigger than what you are currently doing?

And also you feel like if it's not gonna happen now

it might never happen?

I feel like I'm being chased to make a big move

or some kind of life changing decision.

And I don't know what.

But think again, we're only young once.

And I constantly feel scared that I'm letting my youth

passes by, and wasting it.

I'm afraid I'm not having enough fun,

not dating enough boys, not experiencing enough things.

Coz we're only young once.

2010 so far...

This year so far;

secured my position as one of the key supervisors,

made peace with my ex by finally

having a proper chat about our break up.

Having a crush on someone

Went to the Horrors just because he was going.

Went on a date for fun (with a different guy)

Saved enough money

and had the best time in my life in Tokyo

Shopped til I dropped in Tokyo

Saw snow for the first time in my life

and I did it all on my own.

I cooked more and declared

that it is one of my hobbies!

Got cook books for my birthday

I was convinced that I was so madly in love

again, after a long long time

with this guy, who is sooo different

problem is he was a player

and he got me so miserable

oh well at least I feel again at last

Kissed a straight French guy

Got super insecure after The Architect

didn't choose me,

And started some sort of a metaphysical crisis

and that leads to a French class

and that leads to an illustration class.

And that leads to thinking that I should

discover myself again.

I cut 2 people out of my life

bad bad bad influence.

I turned 25!

Quarter of a century.

I worked so hard, I was considered

to overtaken my manager's job.

But then I get tired of it

I get myself thinking and considering

other things in the future.

A guy rejected me for a friend

a friend sort of betrayed me.

Again insecure

but Im getting better.

Giving the Architect a second chance

and we became friends, and kissing

but best thing is realising how he's not

how he is in my head.

I realised that it's not worth it

and that he is not for me.

That's the end of the story with

my biggest crush this year.

And now, planning to go to a friend's place

for NYE, and may be going somewhere else later

you know, I want to challenge myself, and

have more fun in 2011.

So please I can't wait to start the fun!

About Me

Just trying to immortalize my 'about me' section on facebook

it's time to change it, you know, it's almost 2011!

Im not a student anymore, I work and I try to have fun. I eat a lot, Im thin, I sing, I draw, I socialise, I cook a lot, I love cooking for the people I care about. May be it's something I did not have enough growing up. I drink, I smoke, I get confused, Im a loving person, I listen to people, I love my friends, I like horror movies coz it keeps us closer, I get offended when my friends dont trust me, I get annoyed by self righteous argumentative people, I love my Mom, I love my Sis, I miss and love my dad, I get homesick, I live in Melbourne, I like fashion and dream of one day having my own label, I love music, Im a hard worker, I drink coffee once a day, I get annoyed when my girlfriends act like im their boyfriend, I don't like people who depend too much on me, i hate arguing, I love youtube, I go home alone, I dont watch tv often, I've been alone, Ive been fucked up in the head, I'll be ok, I'm strong, Im weak, Im emotional, I cry in my own time but I think my heart died (it's recovering), I laugh at myself, I miss brunswick street, I want you and a glass of beer, I want to shop to max out my credit card, I cant wait to grow up, I wanna experience things, Im just mweh.

On Being 25...

I turn 25 today... Last year was great, and now Im moving on to the next things to come. I think Im ready for other things now. I mean, last year when I turned 24, I wanted and I was hoping so badly that I could put my feet firm on the ground. I wanted to be strong enough again, I wanted to rebuild that firm foundation in my life. I wanted a financial security, I wanted some emotional strength, I wanted some sort of fine structure in my life. And I worked hard for it, and I think I achieved most of it (nothing's ever enough for me).

Now on, being 25... I aim for continually building that strength, to be better, to be happier. And my new focus would be to take more chance in life. I believe that's the only way of achieving things, and avoiding that constant questioning and regret should I have done things differently. I've gained some strength and it is now time to step forward and I know that things can be scary, but hey, I've survived through a break up, and losing faith in people that I love. If did that, I shouldn't be that scared, I should be okay...

The Architect

I met him about a month ago

He's handsome, tall, and very friendly.

I described him as the senator I've been looking for.

Let's just call him the architect.

We swapped number that night.

I went super mental after that.

But he didn't text me.

So I decided to text him first,

and he replied.

We're supposed to catch up for a drink.

But he then just disappeared.

He completely ignored me.

And no text, no phone call, nothing.

I came to the conclusion that he's just not into me.

Last friday I met him again.

He saw me and he apologized

Of course he made some excuses.

Then he said, let's make a time now.

I said, Im quit busy with work.

I said, up to you, just let me know.

Then he left, and then I saw him kissing another guy.

I thought to myself. What a jerk.

I met another person that night anyway.

So I went home. I slept.

I woke up and thought, I'm back.

I'm back to this game again.

Meeting a guy, feeling something.

It's very... scary, putting your feelings on the line.

But, then again I realized I love this.

At least I have more colour in my life.

It's better than the still/silent comfort

that I've been through.

Part of me feels happy because I feel

like Im finally walking again

with the rest of the world.

And later that day, he asked me out...

That Little Joy In Life

After that short period of metaphysical crisis,

I've found myself looking back at the past.

I've been trying to remember what was

that little thing in life that I used to enjoy.

For the first week, I was somehow convinced

that nothing has changed, I thought

I still do everything the same way.

But then in one of my day off (they're usually

quite fun, but yet meaningless),

I remember that I used to watch some film

in Nova's Cheap Monday, so I did went.

And I had the most fun. So fun, it's like

I'm having fun to the very deeper sense of it.

And then I knew, things definitely have changed

since back then when I was so full of life

and so full of this need to enjoy life.

Since that moment, I kept finding

more things that I used to enjoy.

I asked myself these questions...

'when was the last time you sing in your room,

just for the fun of it?'

'when was the last time you do a little dance

when your favourite song came up?'

Again just for the fun of it.

'when was the last time you get lost in

the moment when you think about your dreams?'

'and sometimes during that moment

you made a little scribble on a piece of paper

and you had fun doing it'

'and when you get transported into that

peaceful place from listening to the jazz...'

ah I'm putting Keith Jarrett on,

and I've decided that I'm going to

commit my 25th year to find those little joy

in life again...

P.S. Life's too short and too much fun to be an angry hater. mwa.

Tokyo and The Never-ending Question

I think I fell in love with Tokyo.

I loved it for the city, for the uniqueness

the food, the shopping, and most of all

I loved being surrounded by my friends.

I mean, I loved having coffee in the morning

with them, and complained about

how shit the coffee is in Tokyo.

At the same time, we talked about how

easy it is to get good coffee in Melbourne.

I love then having breakfast with them.

Just anything, or a Burger Lunch set from

Journal Standard.

And then just talked about things again

until dinner time, and then my favourite

would be having yakitori night.

All yummy skewers, and anything

with all you can drink, and but of course

indoor smoking. And then parties...

And the Japanese guys in Tokyo

are hot... I talked to a guy, he's really cool

good body, and handsome

but he doesn't speak much English

and as you know, I dont speak any Japanese

at the end of the night he kissed.

And not how I expected him to kiss me.

He literally just gave me a quick smooch

on my lips. No tongue, no french kissing.

On the way home in the cab my friend said

the Japanese guys are shy.

Ah, and he also said, 'I think he's bad.'

'I saw his tattoo, I think he's a part of the

Yakuza...'

When I was leaving Tokyo

I felt somehow so emotional about it.

Like, I love my friends there.

And it really just saddens me to think

that I won't see them for at least a few years

and may be in a few years time, they won't

all be there at the same place.

It got me thinking about searching

for the place I can call home.

Like the biggest question for me is

'Do we go places to get the thrill of it,

or do we look for a place we can call home.'

I think at the end everyone looks for a home.

And I simply haven't found one.

Indonesia is my home town, but I don't

think I can call it home.

Melbourne, is like my city. I live, I enjoy

I love and hate it at the same time.

So I guess after several times thinking

I came to a conclusion that where ever

you home is, you need to have the loved one

there with you to make it real.

At the end, it was an answer that just keeps

me questioning more about my contentment.

Tokyo

First thing I did when I got to Tokyo;

I gave William a big hug. I missed him

it had been way too long.

Met Mitz, and then Adrian and Takky

Lunch in this tiny but place called Camp Curry

Love the food, then I decided to go to

Harajuku by myself. I told you

I want to get lost, I want to experience

silly things, I want stop planning too much

things in my head.

It's like trying to break free from the

regular order of how things work in

my life. It was meant to be the most

out-of-control thing I'd ever do.

But later I found out that I have this scarily

amazing sense of direction. I didn't get lost,

not a single time during my stay. Not at all.

I even went to Asakusa alone. I went to

seek for some peacefulness in Meiji Jingu,

went to Kabuki theatre 50 days before

they shut it down.

I went to Tsukiji fish market early in the morning

and had the freshest sushi donburi,

I love the sea urchin there.

And I didn't get lost at all...

And just when I thought I'd never get

the chance to do the whole out-of-control thing

I started finding cool shops and they

are soooo incredibly priced...

I went shopping everyday. I decided

to just ignore the credit card bill

that would choke me when I go home.

I just bought everything that I want.

It felt so liberating, and I love how

I was so out of control...

And somewhere after that tiny souvenir shop

in Shibuya, to Edifice, 417, Hanjiro in Shinjuku

and Shima Kitazawa, I remember taking

a deep breath, and thought to myself

Hard work pays...

Since The Last Time I Had The Jarome Moment

It's been a while I know.

It had been that kind of time in between

emotional peacefulness and that kind of

peacefulness from being overly busy.

It's great actually thinking that life's

been super happening.

That I don't really have to suffer from having

those mundane moments.

So yeah, I didn't even realized what I wrote

last time, I had to look into my own's page

and where I left you last time.

I thought of writing everything in one post

but it would be way too long.

So here, I'll just separate the post into several sections...

mwa mwa.

I Love It!

Hey babes...

I dont know where to start,

so I think I'm just gonna type things

and then I'll just keep telling you things.

I had a date last night.

It was better than I thought it'd be.

I mean, physically he's kinda okay

he's like 196 cm tall

but he's definitely not senator-like

so I dont know, but it was okay

I mean, it felt good having a date.

You know, it feels just like Im doing

what I should be doing.

Like you don't want to be 20 something

and dateless right?

It felt good taking the chance as well.

Oh well, it was okay. But he's kinda trashy

and um... like immature, oh well he's 21.

But like dating someone younger

can be empowering, no?

I found out in the weekend

that I got sideway promotion

Meaning Im still a sales supervisor

but Im looking after a bigger business.

It's a good sign that they trust me.

So hopefully my career wont stop here.

Oh what else...

Hmmm just going to Tokyo soon

but really really lazy

to get things ready

Im just hoping that things will

just run smoothly hmmmmm

It will help if I can just get my lazy ass to

start reading my lonely planet book.

Fashion week is coming, very excited

but I just wish that I'd do more

fashion at this point.

Anyway, I think that's all for now!

I Think I'm Just Really Tired

Im really tired

I couldnt sleep last night

I'm tired of trouble people at work

Like, I like it how it teaches me a lot

and Im pretty much in control of things

all the time

Im always in control all the time

sometimes I just wish that I can let go

just let my guard down

and pass on that control to someone

I want to go home thinking that

someone have had some things

under control for me

I dont even want to think of

a lot of things when I go home

thats why Im a bit bugged

with people asking me about my NYE plan

I mean, we'll definitely meet up that night

just dont ask me what's going to happen

make your plan, and I'll see what I can do

stop relying on me to plan your night

I just wanna go. thats all.

Rumour Has It...

Hey Babes...

went to suit's christmas dinner on wednesday

it was good, and I missed them already

the kids have bonded better

and I got a flashy blue martini glass

as part of the kris kringle and I love it!

During the ciggy break I was talking

to one of the guys and he told me

that rumour has it that

I kicked the new girl out of Armani

after just one week.

And you know it's not true

I did say that she didn't look suitable

but I didn't transfer her to local or anything

and then on the way home

she actually gave us a lift to the city

and in the car we were talking

and one of the guys actually said

that he'd quit if I had to be his supervisor

he said, 'you would be kinda scary'

hmmmm I wonder

someone said I didnt look mean enough

to be a supervisor, and then this.

Which one is right?

And I Thought I Could Never Get A Job Last Year

On tuesday afternoon I found out

That I got the promotion

I will start my new role as a sales supervisor

this monday, but today and tomorrow

is the induction period...

Im honestly nervous, excited, and I dunno...

But yeah, who would've thought

I thought I could never get a job last year...

Love you all, and wish me luck :)

Shake Your Money Maker!

Hey babe...

just want to tell you

that work has been so stressing these days

I mean, first of all with the plan to be a supervisor

like, lately all the manager's been testing me

like giving me some task to delegate things

and I did make it but it was so hard

considering all the people in my floor are friends

moreover my manager's been telling me

that I can't afford to make mistakes like going

on long breaks, or going between 12 to 2pm

and he told me not to hang out with people

he sees as unprofessional

and it's just kinda getting to me lately

since they opened women's store in the weekend

like all the important people were always around

so I cant help feeling like I have to be

in my best behavior all the time.

And the biggest challenge would be

pushing the sales for Armani

like, Im new with the whole working in boutique

and especially Armani, it's actually very hard to sell

and last weekend we did really well

but like, for some reason sales drop again

and we didnt even make the budget for the week

worse thing is that people's comments

have been really disheartening

some even say that it is David Jones mistake

to replace the old Armani people with me

since they have 9 years of experience in that boutique

and changing the sales representatives doesn't help

the sale.

But honestly I dont agree with that

because I know I kick ass in Armani

people just have to give me sometime

And being a good boutique manager

doesnt only revolve around selling

These old guys dont do anything to look after

the stocks, they don't work to represent the brand

and that's why Armani's been going down...

I wish that people would see that

I mean, I wish I can do better in Armani but

what else can I do?

I've done my best.

And I hope that the sales budget doesnt affect

my chance of getting the promotion.

Ah well, enough of this negativity

it's all the part of business isnt it?

so right now, Im just gonna shake my money maker!

It's Amazing What I Can Do

hey babes...

I got a new smell

I smell Tom Ford Grey Vetiver

Enia chose it for me

Last time she chose YSL La Nuit De L'Homme

I love it too!

I love having those musky, smoky

some kinda mature, sexy, and sophisticated smell.

Like, tell me it's silly

but like I think now I can pull off

those scent because I wear suits...

By the way, I managed to get

the third person for Armani

I got Matthew in my team

He is just such a pro

He was the golden boy of the department

we started working together,

so pretty much we grew in the business together

and I just cant wait to have that dynamic in Armani...

The shit thing about Armani is that

my store wont be refurbished until February

which is so annoying because everything else

has been refurbished.

And Armani doesnt do discount as often as the others

on top of that bad buying decision

that means all of those combo makes it hard to sell...

Anyway I had a ciggy outside work yesterday

My old Manager who now works in

women's shoes department, talked to me

"I'd love you to supervise my area."

I said, I'd think about that.

And then she told me the story

"Did Louis tell you that your name

is highlighted as a potential supervisor

in the general meeting?"

I said, no.

"Well, you couldve been a supervisor right now,

but Louis wanted you to supervise his area,

but as everyone knows it, mens suits is the

shark pool. Amy and Matt didn't think you're

ready for that. You need to start from a smaller

department."

I thought, I couldve been a supervisor

and Louis gave me Armani?

And all that only because he wants to keep me in suits?

"Badra, so why not come with me, tell Amy

that you want to supervise, that's all you need

to do. That's the only way you make your way up.

It will open more possibilities, even for a manager job..."

Now, I need to plan things,

I want to make sure that I dont burn bridges

I wanna do it nicely, but hopefully,

December or January.

Day Dreaming

hey babes...

went to RMIT to check out

the fashion merchandising course

I'm planning to do it next year

you know, I want to reach my dream

I want to be a designer one day

or may be a CEO in a fashion house

but yeah, I found out that

the course that I want to do is

still too fucking expensive for me

I could only get a year of govt help

and then I'll be paying around $9000 a year

and like, how can I pay that much money?

sometimes things like this make me feel so small

sometimes things make it feel so unreachable

right now Im really kinda feeling so frustrated

It's all I want and yet it seems so far away

I just really hope that one day

it will all come true.

Unstoppable Than Ever. I Hope. part 3

I got home at 3ish last night

got up at 8 getting ready to work

just around 9.30 am my manager called me

he said, please come a little earlier

come to my office.

I said, why?

Just to have a little chat.

I got there early, and he told me to sit down

He said, "you know we have considered you

as one of the key talent here."

"And I told you that I have a good plan for you."

He continued, "This is a good news, however

the situation is very delicate."

"We have decided to kick S*** and W**** out from Armani

and you're going to start looking after the boutique."

"We have two new people who will work with you as well"

"They didn't have as much experience as you do

but we see a lot of potential in them."

"So for now I need you to look after them,

take them under your wings."

"How do you feel about that?"

I smiled.

"I know it's a delicate situation, but if S*** and W****

have any problem with that, we're there for you."

I said, When do I start?

"Monday week. And we are revamping the Armani Boutique

They will have they're concept store ready by February

and It will be fantastic."

"But for now on, considering the situation,

just don't tell anyone."

I walked away, meeting the new guys, Im happy with them.

I looked at the other guys on the floor, and I knew that

once again I have proved them wrong.

When I started, everyone sorta underestimated me

but now Im hiding the final bomb.

I can't help feeling cautious though

As long as I haven't sign the actual contract

I feel like things might still change.

So I dont want to do anything until it's signed and done.

There I was, turning into one of the vicious sharks

To think of it, the exact date last year

I was about to be broken down the next day

when my ex broke up with me.

And here I am now, Im ready for a war.

Unstoppable than ever. I hope.

Unstoppable Than Ever. I Hope. part 1

I was feeling really down on friday.

Like I just tried my best not to burst into tears at work.

It all started on thursday night, these questions and doubt.

I just couldnt help thinking, what if I made the wrong choice now?

I certainly dont want to look back and regret things.

What Im saying is, it's never easy to suddenly be responsible

with everything in your life.

Some people are luckier because they have more guidelines or plans

some have their family to point them to the right direction.

But I dont think anyone understand the way I see my life right now

the way I try to predict my future.

and the way I fear the future itself.

I was scared that every decision that I made for my career,

my social life, and everything in general leads me to a downfall

I dont want to fail in life

I have dreamed big from the beginning

I slowly get myself closer and closer to it.

But what if all this fail?

I got home from work, and feels like Im going to break down

but I decided to speak to my Mom.

She always have the most unpredictable answer to everything.

But she said "You can't be scared of stepping forward and making a mistake."

"You analyze the situation, make the best decision, and step forward."

"If you look back and think that you did wrong, just step back."

"Step back and do it again. Because then you know what's right."

I felt so relieved, I feared less. And I know she's there for me.

at the end, she said, "Making a mistake itself, is a part of making it right."