Saturday, December 20, 2008

I am... Meaner Than Ever

Like, don't blame me if Im turning into a bitter person. I dunno why but I can't trust anyone anymore. Sometimes I feel like slapping people's face. Im probably getting fired from my job because of my mean-ness. I think my inner me is just annoyed with things. Like sometimes I feel like everything that happened recently just happened at the wrong time, and it's a bitch.

Lemme tell you what happened yesterday at work. A fat old guy wanted me to find him a pair of trousers. So I measured him, and he was a size 46 or 118 cm. So Im like yeah make sense, he's huge. So I gave him one he wanted and when he tried it, he said to me, I think you measured me wrong. It was too big for him. He said he's swimming in it. I thought, sinking, not swimming. I gave hima a size 112, still too big for him. And one of the experienced people who worked with me that day whispered to me, "he doesn't look 118cm"

I said to him, 118cm is the biggest we stock, like can people get bigger than that guy?

Slap me across my face. Hahaha nah, I think Im being self-destructive by making myself hateable. Dunno, slap me across my face!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

What Will I Buy?

Hey I was gonna buy a new laptop as a christmas present for Tim. Well now that we broke up, what should I get for myself instead?

Lui Hon for Von




Sunday, December 14, 2008

My Furst Fur Thing!!!

For those of you who knows that I was getting a fur scarf from Lui Hon for Von, and the story behind it, guess what? I finally got it!!! Im so in Looooooove with it, love it, love it! I also got some photos, like a sneak preview of his winter 2009 collection, which I will upload them soon. Anyway, here it is my fuuuuuuuuuur scaaaaaaaarf!



Saturday, December 13, 2008

Photofunia Fun

OK, a few months ago, a friend of mine put up some photos in her blog one of them being me and her looking drunk, on a huge billboard. I thought she edited the photo herself. Until may be about a week ago, Salvatore found out it was from photofunia.com where you can choose the kind of layout you wanna put your photo on, upload the photo and they do all the editing for you. It's very easy and I have to say that the editing job is really good. These are my favourite two.


You Can't See What I See

Random drawings I made today and the other night. It all started when me and Mary went to Coles for our weekend grocery and I cursed her umbrella again, halfway to Coles it broke, it bent and looked like a flower. Anyway, here they are...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Undertone, Alluva Bar

Fuck me hard. It couldve been the perfect day to go out for a nice coffee and read a book. But the weather is fucking with me. Thing is, I was sober the night before so it couldve been fantastic. But instead I got stuck at home after dressing up coz we don't have fucking umbrella. And yes of course 3 episodes of Desperate Housewives and fucking pizza delivery.

Went to Alluva for Undertone, because Jeyda is working there. Fuck me again, it rained again. And honestly I'm not a fan of the event, but I was happy to be there for her and Vin. Ended up going to Toff and 2 lychee martinis. Bugga de zoom, I was drunk again. I mean, don't blame me, Toff does make one of the best martinis. Just beautiful. And me and Vin started talking heart to heart, I think he's such a great guy. Im very proud of him.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Non-Alco Night

I was sober at a club last night. How cool is that, I finally enjoy clubbing for the dancing again. And I realised that guys were eye-ing me that night, but I think I scared them hahahaha. Or may be they were just thinking "that guy is a freak". I dunno, but I have fun. But I think Ive seen all the guys in Melbourne, may be it's time to move somewhere else.

By the way that Indo-designer-wannabe was there. What the fuck was he thinking, like he's short and look like a dump of muscles. Hmmm dont you think that designers should know the very basic of what's beautiful?

I decided not to come to Africa with Rick. First because Im broke, and second I think it would be too much for me. I nees sometime you know. He's leaving on the 20th, and I think he'll be back in mid January. Im gonna miss him, like I dont know how it's like not having him around!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

New Life Resolution

I've been thinking, why do we need to wait for new year's eve to make a resolution? I thought may be I should do it right now, considering things are changing a lot in my life lately anyway. I usually started my resolution with some diet or healthy lifestyle thing. But I think this time I know what would be first on my list.

1. Be smart. Use you head. Be strong again.

I feel like I have made a big mistake by falling for someone, letting someone into my life. I wasn't like that. I used to be a thinker and I liked the way I was before. The thing is, this break up is so hard for me. I dont think I wanna go through the same thing again. At least not for a while. I want to be strong again, I wanna be how I used to be. And plus, I've seen my sister getting so stupid after falling for a fucking loser. I've seen my friends acting irrationally for their boys or girls, I dont want to be like that. I kept thinking why did I let myself go through this. It was a big mistake. I shouldnt've let myself into thinking that I was something you feel certain in your life when the truth is you don't even know what you want. You don't know if you want to be with me. Look at me now, what am I doing? I get drunk a lot, I dont talk to my friends as much as I used to be, I can't even be there for my friends. And that's not me. I don't want to be like this. I can't believe I let you ruin me and my contentment. I question myself a lot, and that never happened before. I just want to be the logical me again, and Im gonna build myself up again. And I hope that will happen soon.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Still a Little Bit In Love With You

I Love Gossip Girl

I cant blame people for liking that show. But not for me please. Like, I can't like it.

Currently, I don't like you (you, not Gossip Girl).

Dream on people.

Nightmares, What Does It Mean?

Been having funny weird scary dreams. What does it mean? Can anyone tell me?

I dreaming that I could fly. And I did it a few times. Two nights ago I dreamt that I could fly, and it was soooo real. Like I could feel myself floating and trying to concentrate to move to the direction Im going to. It was soooo cool. The shit thing about that dream was, in my dream, I was flying away from zombie-like people. They bite you, they dont eat you, they just bite. But then you turn into one of them. They're like zombie but they can think, they act like human being.

I was flying and avoiding everyone, I got to a tree branch, I met a friend there. A person I could trust. Then he somehow convinced me to carved some word on my chest, not deep just on my skin, but it bled. I flew again somewhere and I realised that the knife I used was contaminated with the zombie blood. So I was turning into one of them. Only I was better than everyone else, I was the first one of them who could fly...

And last night I dreamt that I was dating a model / some kind of adult movie star. He was hot, tall skinny and all. But then somehow I got in this jungle, and it was full of this HIV positive chimpanzee. And they bite you, and you can get HIV. Fucking scary eh?

I could only thing of one similarity to both of my dreams. I was running from something contagious. I dont know what it means. Tell me?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Sunday Mess

Sunday morning, woke up just somehow I felt like crap. I was once again thinking about the break up and whether I made the right decision. Plus, Im broke. I thought I'd just spend the whole day at home. But Denny was meeting up with Amar. I thought again I havent seen Amar for a while, and he just came back from Mumbai, he was there when the bombing happened. So I decided to go and see how he was doing.

Walking to Ca De Vin at GPO, and the way there I met an old friend. This guy is nice but he's kind of like a hater. Not a hater, he just doesn't like people who goes out a lot and things. He used to call me socialite who only spend parents money. But he asked me out once. I didnt want to. So after the break up, I really feel like I should look like Im doing good. I dont want him to have that 'I feel so sorry for you' look. Like I dont want him to say 'told you, you were better off with me'.

I met him, and the first thing he said was "are you drunk?". What is wrong with me? I wasn't drunk, I didnt even drink the night before. Argh. May be alcohol has finally sits in my system permanently. Fuck it, I ignored him. Finally met Amar, he looks like he's doing good, he looked fresh. But for the next 2 hours we didnt end up talking about the Mumbai incident, instead we talked about break up and things. I mean, Amar was considering about getting back together with Bachir, Denny just broke up, and all I could do is just being the strong me, and the cynical me while I enjoyed some glasses of red.

And then Amar asked me to come to Cynthia's farewell party at Belgian Beer Cafe. Went there and it was so good meeting everyone. However, I felt like some of them still give me that pity look. And I know they do that because they care about me. But to me it's better when people see me as a strong person, it just somehow makes me stronger. I went to the bar to get a pint of Hoegarden. I didnt know that the serve would be massive. I mean it was a massive glass of beer. I could feel some people looking at me, and they all said, what the fuck! Thats massive! So it was, a chance to show people that Im doing better but instead I made them think that Im not coping with it well, and that Im like the biggest alkie. Oh well, I think Im ok. I probably should stop drinking so people know that Im ok.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Fur The Sake Of It

It was slightly raining, at 6.30 pm when I get to my fashion designer's friend's studio. We were there to discuss about his latest collection, inventory tracking stuff and other things I need to do for him this coming week.

I was actually really tired from work, my brain didn't work properly and I didn't have a lot of ideas that I could contribute to the meeting. But then, there was it. A black cowl scarf. Made from black fur that looks to me like faux-fur, black, shiny black. I put it on and I fell in love with it. I asked the designer if I could buy one for a wholesale price, and that is half of the retail price less the GST. He said yes!

But then there was these two guys who also attended the meeting, they started talking about how the green peace would throw a can of fresh red paint to me. I said no they wont, it's fake fur. It wasn't. It was made from real goat fur.

I know I've told you that I decided to be against fur for fashion. But I can't help it, it was too good. I gotta have it. And may be the next thing that happened, only made me wanted even more.

Ok, so there was a friend of mine who was there as well. Just say his name is Carlos. He's married to a guy, probably one of the best activist in the world. Sorta person who believe that as an artist he should be working for his art, not for someone else. And for that working is bad, and he decided to live in a squad, so he doesn't have to pay the rent. May be so he could save up some money. NOT. So that he doesnt support capitalism, and he would educate people, and he would be able to drink more.

Carlos had talked to me about his boyfriend's thing. We think it was just crazy, but I mean, I gotta admire someone who believes in saving the world. But that afternoon, Carlos was in his best activist mode. I asked him, would it be ok if I wore the fur scarf. He said he's a vegetarian.

I said, I dont wear fur, I think. He just smile, and Im telling you he is a good guy, what's happening here wasn't an arguement, not a fight, it was just a friendly conversation. And so I told him, I used to be number 1 Anna Wintour supporter, I believe that people should be allowed to wear fur for fashion. He was like, really? I said yes, and I told him how I decided to be anti-fur. Then I asked him, why is it not ok about wearing fur. I eat meat. So if I eat meat, wearing fur would not do worse?

He said, "It was about giving respect to animal. And wearing fur isn't the same with wearing cotton. You turn an animal into a material, you kill them for fashion. It's not necessary."

I said, "But I eat meat anyway. And it's not like goat is almost extinct."

He said, "So you're saying that these animals, each animals, have different value to each other?"

I said, "Yes, for example, a caterpillar. Who likes a caterpillar? It's gross."

He said, "Frogs eat caterpillar."

I said, "But they're just animals, we're human."

He said, "That's like you value people differently from some other people."

I stoped there, but in my head I thought, I honestly value human more than an animal. I dont think human and animals are the same. If I had to safe someone's life by eating souvlaki for the whole week, I would.

I said, "But people have always eaten meat. Even the cavemen wear fur."

He said, "They did, but they also rape and kill people."

I screamed, "You're so meaaaaan! It's not the same!!"

He just smiled.

Then I asked him "How did you started being a vegetarian?"

He said, "I started that because I believe that meat industry is bad. It's like ciggarette industry. They sell this poison, get people addicted and make money from it. I used to smoke, I quit for that reason, and I did the same thing being a vegetarian. I just don't agree with the meat industry. The media is full with consumerism, and people want to have a chunky steak for dinner. And for that, they have to kill animals."

I said, "But if you stop people from eating meat, then the farmer's would suffer. For example, farmers in Argentina. They're main occupation is dairy and meat industry. What would they do for a living?"

He said, "They should just start planting vegetables."

I said, "What? But you know how much it would cost them to change into planting vegetables?"

He said, "It wouldn't cost that much. With animal they would always have to feed them, sell them after years. That costs more than changing into vegetables farming."

I said, "No it would cost more. They need to sell the equipment. Buy the new equipment for the new farm etc. And the thing is, it would be more efficient to keep doing what they'd done for a long time. It would also be more productive and profitable. I mean, if planting vegetables are better, don't you think that people would started planting them anyway?"

He just shook his head. "Then they just need to suffer a little bit. Some of them may suffer, but we know that we're saving our planet."

And then the meeting started. So we couldnt continue our conversation. But in my head, I thought I don't know a lot of things about the world, and I dont even know if capitalism is bad. But I studied economics in uni. And I think in a free economics, people would do what's more efficient, effective, and profitable for them. I mean, like Argentina, they have comparative advantage in meat industry. It costs less to produce meat products there, and so people would produce meat there. It would be cheaper for them too from economics of scales and all those resources and distribution links that they have earned all this years. At the end they would be better off, and other countries can enjoy their fine meat as well.

And about the global warming, I believe that we should try our best to save our planet. But I dont believe in sacrificing some groups of people for that. I think if we have to sacrifice people, the people from poor and developing countries would get the most impact. And it's not fair. I think that people should just be conscious about things like, switching off the power point, use less water, recycle, save energy, something like that. I believe if we all do it together, we can save our planet.

At the end of the night, I decided, I would buy the fur scarf. Im a fashion person, I work for fashion, I love fashion, I would do all things that I can to support the fashion industry.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Randomest Night

Pfeuih... Last night was weird and random.
Went to Pogo, bitchy door bitch ass fat crap.
the rooftop was good, cheap drink
crowd was teenyboppers trying to be indie
its like bogan goes indie, clickclik mixed with bogan school
looking good enough to get my photos taken my photographers
went downstairs for the dance floor
good music, dj tranterco is back from america
went to fucking IQ
Mary couldnt go in coz she lost her passport
and um fucking bastards bouncers
went to this awesome blue tile bar across the street
awesome band, sexy.
Finally talked to Mary about things
went to Yah Yah's
Mary and Riri left
Me and Kiki join Denny at IQ
Met my ex there he looked so skinny
It was really weird
Had the worst pick up line in the world
"can you cook?" fucking hell
He should know that this is not an interview
to get a new maid or something, bitch
went home, get McD drive thru and
love you long tiiiiiiiime!

Baby You Drive Me Crazy

I think I always or at least most of the time I get the best guys. I dont settle for average when I know I can get the best. Right everyone?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

BBF

Last tuesday, my bestfriend broke up with his boy. He's doing fine, I mean, he is sad but they broke up in good term and it seems to me that they're going to be good friends soon. And this could be because his ex is a really nice guy, and the reason why they broke up was 'lack of emotional intimacy' which both of them agreed.
He came over, and my friends were there, and he told us the story. And you know what's wrong? I didnt know what to say to him. I should be a fucking expert in this considering I had my own break up 2 months ago. I felt like I am not emotionally available for it.
Hmmm actually I've always been the cold heart bitch kinda person. I dont cry a lot, and for some reason I cant cry in front of people. Like I dont pretend to be strong, but my tears just dont come out when Im around people. And I guess that's how I deal with my problems. The thing is, I have always been emotionally available for my friends, now this. What is this, what am I becoming?
And the next day when I woke up, I finally realised that I havent even been there for my other bestfriend, she's also my housemate. I know she's going through a lot, but I didnt even give sometime to catch up with me. I've been busy with my other friends, getting drunk, and going out. What am I doing?
I can't even deal with it when people complaint about little things, I would be like, get over it. I can't deal with your shit right now. And I dont give a shit about it. I dont care if I'm being the biggest bitch right now, because I feel like I have always been it.
And I woke up with morning, I think I know why I've been like this. Because I still need sometime for myself to recover from the break up. I need to deal with my own shit before I can help others. I mean, I love my friends, and I wish I could be there for them, but give me a little time, and I will be there for them soon. Mwa.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Hungover Talk

To all of you my mwa mwa.
I think it's ok to cry
It's ok to spoil yourselves for a while
It's ok to sleep in
But I have decided today
That I'm gonna start walking again
Im not running, just slowly walking
Im just going to make sure
That my life is going on again :)