BBF

Last tuesday, my bestfriend broke up with his boy. He's doing fine, I mean, he is sad but they broke up in good term and it seems to me that they're going to be good friends soon. And this could be because his ex is a really nice guy, and the reason why they broke up was 'lack of emotional intimacy' which both of them agreed.

He came over, and my friends were there, and he told us the story. And you know what's wrong? I didnt know what to say to him. I should be a fucking expert in this considering I had my own break up 2 months ago. I felt like I am not emotionally available for it.

Hmmm actually I've always been the cold heart bitch kinda person. I dont cry a lot, and for some reason I cant cry in front of people. Like I dont pretend to be strong, but my tears just dont come out when Im around people. And I guess that's how I deal with my problems. The thing is, I have always been emotionally available for my friends, now this. What is this, what am I becoming?

And the next day when I woke up, I finally realised that I havent even been there for my other bestfriend, she's also my housemate. I know she's going through a lot, but I didnt even give sometime to catch up with me. I've been busy with my other friends, getting drunk, and going out. What am I doing?

I can't even deal with it when people complaint about little things, I would be like, get over it. I can't deal with your shit right now. And I dont give a shit about it. I dont care if I'm being the biggest bitch right now, because I feel like I have always been it.

And I woke up with morning, I think I know why I've been like this. Because I still need sometime for myself to recover from the break up. I need to deal with my own shit before I can help others. I mean, I love my friends, and I wish I could be there for them, but give me a little time, and I will be there for them soon. Mwa.