And The Reality Isn't Always That Gorgeous

hey babe

went to Sorrys for Bang Gang Halloween

I came as a drunk samurai

I got the kimono top from Made In Japan

on Australia on Collins

only for 52 dollars... Got a plastic sword too

Eye make up from face crayons...

It was so much fun!

Most people came as a vampire...

Thomas got me free entry

and then tequila shots

and then up stairs for some house

Was dancing when this guy grab my hand

tall, brunette, typical indie face

and he kissed me, so I kissed him back.

he said "Can I get your number?"

I said, why?

"Because we made out last time?"

and damn... I now remember...

Remember I told you I made out with a hot blonde?

Well I certainly didnt remember it correctly

it was the same guy.

Tall slender, brunette and indie.

I said, no.

He said, "Come home with me then."

I said, my boyfriend would kill me

I was lying. I just didnt wanna go home with anyone.

But then I said, but we can make out.

So we did, big time. Bouncer nearly kicked us out.

I then found out that we have mutual friends

So he asked me to add him on facebook

Hmmmm I dont know about that.

What's Your Return Policy?

I thought of last year.

All I can think of is my alco phase.

I was dealing with break up.

And also, people I care about betrayed me.

I didnt know how it happened but yeah.

Some of them tried to come back

but I feel like things have changed.

It's probably hard, I have no return policy.

Just like in retail, we could only exchange

as long as the goods are not damaged.

They have to be in the exact same condition.

The Guy and The Smell Of Cigarette and Coffee

I have another J on my list

He's supposed to be working with me

like, he's new and I gotta look after him

so the first day, I was just teaching him everything

I didnt think of anything about him at all

then one of my colleagues said "J's so hot."

I said, no dont think so, not my type.

The next day in the morning on the way to work

I saw this guy wearing a sleek black suit

a coffee in his hand

walking tall and straight

wearing his aviator sunnies.

He stop to lit his ciggy

He turned around, and it was him.

Dont you think there's always something sexy

about guys who have confident

and smells like cigarette and coffee?

Or is it just me?

Unstoppable Than Ever. I Hope. part 3

I got home at 3ish last night

got up at 8 getting ready to work

just around 9.30 am my manager called me

he said, please come a little earlier

come to my office.

I said, why?

Just to have a little chat.

I got there early, and he told me to sit down

He said, "you know we have considered you

as one of the key talent here."

"And I told you that I have a good plan for you."

He continued, "This is a good news, however

the situation is very delicate."

"We have decided to kick S*** and W**** out from Armani

and you're going to start looking after the boutique."

"We have two new people who will work with you as well"

"They didn't have as much experience as you do

but we see a lot of potential in them."

"So for now I need you to look after them,

take them under your wings."

"How do you feel about that?"

I smiled.

"I know it's a delicate situation, but if S*** and W****

have any problem with that, we're there for you."

I said, When do I start?

"Monday week. And we are revamping the Armani Boutique

They will have they're concept store ready by February

and It will be fantastic."

"But for now on, considering the situation,

just don't tell anyone."

I walked away, meeting the new guys, Im happy with them.

I looked at the other guys on the floor, and I knew that

once again I have proved them wrong.

When I started, everyone sorta underestimated me

but now Im hiding the final bomb.

I can't help feeling cautious though

As long as I haven't sign the actual contract

I feel like things might still change.

So I dont want to do anything until it's signed and done.

There I was, turning into one of the vicious sharks

To think of it, the exact date last year

I was about to be broken down the next day

when my ex broke up with me.

And here I am now, Im ready for a war.

Unstoppable than ever. I hope.

Unstoppable Than Ever. I Hope. part 2

I finished work at 9 last night

went home, spoke to my Mom

I managed to go to a 30th birthday

in Southpaw Bar in Gertrude

and then Madame Brussel

and then Sorry Grandma

we had shots of tequila and B151

and then we smoked some ciggy

and then I saw this cute guy

tall blond, slightly muscular

so handsome but I dont find him attractive

and then we danced, and he danced next to me

I put my hand on his body

then we danced together

and he started kissing me

we made out on the dance floor

we didnt even talk, didnt even know his name

didnt like the way he kissed me though

I tried to slow him down but forget it

I told him, Ima see my friends

and I went home thinking,

its funny how I often kiss a guy in a straight night.

Unstoppable Than Ever. I Hope. part 1

I was feeling really down on friday.

Like I just tried my best not to burst into tears at work.

It all started on thursday night, these questions and doubt.

I just couldnt help thinking, what if I made the wrong choice now?

I certainly dont want to look back and regret things.

What Im saying is, it's never easy to suddenly be responsible

with everything in your life.

Some people are luckier because they have more guidelines or plans

some have their family to point them to the right direction.

But I dont think anyone understand the way I see my life right now

the way I try to predict my future.

and the way I fear the future itself.

I was scared that every decision that I made for my career,

my social life, and everything in general leads me to a downfall

I dont want to fail in life

I have dreamed big from the beginning

I slowly get myself closer and closer to it.

But what if all this fail?

I got home from work, and feels like Im going to break down

but I decided to speak to my Mom.

She always have the most unpredictable answer to everything.

But she said "You can't be scared of stepping forward and making a mistake."

"You analyze the situation, make the best decision, and step forward."

"If you look back and think that you did wrong, just step back."

"Step back and do it again. Because then you know what's right."

I felt so relieved, I feared less. And I know she's there for me.

at the end, she said, "Making a mistake itself, is a part of making it right."

The Final Step

I had my usual day off treat today

French crepes, a bit of red, and...

the definitely the sweetest French eye candy :)

we got to talk about me and my ex'es little rendezvous

I told them how I feel

and I had the best answer from Patrick

he was telling me the story about him and his ex

they tried to be friends but it was too awkward

they didnt end up being friends

in other words, it was just fully over

no friends, nothing. Just a history.

Then he asked me, "do you wanna be friends with him?"

Yeah, but honestly, not like we're friends

the truth is, there are friendship that happened

because the people in it click with each other

and so it's natural for them to be friends because

they enjoy each other's company

and then there are friendship that develop from

a "getting used to each other" or even history.

and I realised that if me and my ex are going to be friends

it would never going to be the natural friendship

it would be friendship that based on a history

it would never be hanging out with a friend

it would be "catching up with my ex"

That would be awkward.

Patrick continued, in his case he just quit it

there isn't any point for them to be friends

it's just done and it is the past.

My heart slightly pained when I heard that

"it's just over, it's in the past."

and yeah, of course there is nothing wrong with

having a regular "catching up with ex"

but what if these recurring rendezvous becomes

the new post-relationship relationship

I for sure dont want to keep having feelings for him

everytime we catch up, and this elongates

the break up process, it becomes the constant reminder

that we have a history, and for that Im scared that

I would never end up getting over him for real.

I realized that it is like you deciding to quit reading a book

and you keep the book open on a table next to you

you can't help but keep looking through it now and then.

What you should do is close the book.

And so my friends

I think that it should be the final step

to my break up.

Close the book. Make it a history.

Accept the fact that it is over completely.

And he should just be a guy I bump into

on the street, who happened to be my ex.

I think that cutting it short would

make it easier in the long term.

Like Im over it, but I think that as long as

I still have emotion to him, it means that

Im not completely over him.

I hope this final step would

help me get over it, completely.