Sunday Mess

Sunday morning, woke up just somehow I felt like crap. I was once again thinking about the break up and whether I made the right decision. Plus, Im broke. I thought I'd just spend the whole day at home. But Denny was meeting up with Amar. I thought again I havent seen Amar for a while, and he just came back from Mumbai, he was there when the bombing happened. So I decided to go and see how he was doing.

Walking to Ca De Vin at GPO, and the way there I met an old friend. This guy is nice but he's kind of like a hater. Not a hater, he just doesn't like people who goes out a lot and things. He used to call me socialite who only spend parents money. But he asked me out once. I didnt want to. So after the break up, I really feel like I should look like Im doing good. I dont want him to have that 'I feel so sorry for you' look. Like I dont want him to say 'told you, you were better off with me'.

I met him, and the first thing he said was "are you drunk?". What is wrong with me? I wasn't drunk, I didnt even drink the night before. Argh. May be alcohol has finally sits in my system permanently. Fuck it, I ignored him. Finally met Amar, he looks like he's doing good, he looked fresh. But for the next 2 hours we didnt end up talking about the Mumbai incident, instead we talked about break up and things. I mean, Amar was considering about getting back together with Bachir, Denny just broke up, and all I could do is just being the strong me, and the cynical me while I enjoyed some glasses of red.

And then Amar asked me to come to Cynthia's farewell party at Belgian Beer Cafe. Went there and it was so good meeting everyone. However, I felt like some of them still give me that pity look. And I know they do that because they care about me. But to me it's better when people see me as a strong person, it just somehow makes me stronger. I went to the bar to get a pint of Hoegarden. I didnt know that the serve would be massive. I mean it was a massive glass of beer. I could feel some people looking at me, and they all said, what the fuck! Thats massive! So it was, a chance to show people that Im doing better but instead I made them think that Im not coping with it well, and that Im like the biggest alkie. Oh well, I think Im ok. I probably should stop drinking so people know that Im ok.