Dream, Race and Reality.

Remember the day when you were naive and young? I remember mine. I've always been a dreamer, and I still am a dreamer. However, things change, you live your life, and somehow the part of you that dreams a lot try to catch up with the reality once you get older.

We dream about our future, our dream job, dream house, and for most people they also dream about their love story. I mean, it is like that moment when you catch yourselves feeling like you're starring in a movie. I had mine. And sometime I still think that it's too movie-ish to be true. But it happened.

It all started in a house party, sometime in August 2005. I met him there, average looking and he was movie production student. And I was a first year uni student who took theatre studies in high school. He offered me to be in his short movie. I thought it was just pick up line. But this whole thing intrigued me, and sort of think that he was very interesting. But then the evil guy came, he was a friend and he told me that my Mr Dream was a promiscuous bastard who slept with everyone. And I trusted evil guy. I didnt end up helping him for his production.

A month later, Mr Dream invited me to his movie screening at Loop. Ah when I think of it Melbourne felt so fresh that time. I mean, may be Im just bored with everything. Anyway, back to the story I had that getting to know moment with him, and he invited me to come to him place. Not for sex of course, just hang out. But I said no, I was too scared to get to know him because what evil guy told me. Honestly I was interested, very interested, but I thought I needed to protect my heart. So instead during out chat, I told him a big lie. I told him the type of person I like, and I told him someone so different from him. I said, I like guys who looked like guys from Jet.

So nothing happened. And a few month later, we met again. We hang out, and at one point we grab my hand, and held it firmly while walking along Brunswick street. It was that movie moment when the guy hold the girl's/boy's hand, and it was firm, full of confidence. It was almost like saying "it's okey, you're with me now. Everything's fine because we're here together."

However, evil guy was there. And he ruined everything again. At one point when Mr Dream was ordering drinks, evil guy went to him and asked him out for a coffee. And I found out, I overheard what happened. The problem is, I was so naive that time, and again I was scared if Mr Dream was a bastard in disguise. I decided not to continue our little "Brunswick Street Walk" story that night. I went home confused, I didnt know what happened.

Next day, evil guy called me. He said Mr Dream didnt go for a coffee with him. But I was still scared of him. So I didnt call him, I ignored what could've been a nice little story between me and my Mr Dream.

A few months later I met a friend of evil guy, he told me the truth. That evil guy was obsessed about Mr Dream. And that Mr Dream is not a promiscuous bastard. He was a good guy, and in fact, he liked me. I felt horrible knowing the truth. I couldnt believe I led my fear ruin a chance to be with my first biggest crush ever.

So, I tried to catch up with him. And that night, I found out he already dated someone else. I was too late. A week later, after realising that it was over between us and that I should just not see him for a while, I was invited to a friend's birthday. Somewhere in Melbourne, a bar that I'd never been to. And then another movie moment happened. I somehow met him there, with his boy. And that was it, I decided to move on, and stop thinking about what could've happened between us.

Months later, I met him again in a friend's party, and he was single. The only problem was, he was moving to Queensland. He got his dream job, and I was so proud of him. During the time he was in Queensland, I met him once by a chance in Melbourne. Very random. It was so bizarre It was too much, I even got to the point at least for 4 times that I dreamt about him and I would see him sometime soon after.

It got even more random, I met him in Kuala Lumpur. Out of nowhere he was there, and we were in the same plane. He told me he was moving back to Melbourne. So I was waiting for him in Melbourne. He moved back, but somehow I thought Im through with hoping that we could start everything from the beginning. And one night, I met another Great guy. Great guy and I dated, only for 2 weeks before I went back to Indonesia for 2 months.

It was in the afternoon, a few hours away from my flight. I was walking home, and I met Mr Dream again. We ended up having dinner, and caught up. It freaked me out that sometimes he understood me better than anyone. But I was dating Mr Dream. So I decided to move on.

I ended up being in a great relationship with Mr Great. And he was the first guy to guide me, to teach me not to be afraid of being with someone. But things happened. And we broke up 8 months later. Just a few days later, I randomly bumped into Mr Dream again. It was cool, I think of him as a friend, may be because I just broke up with Mr Great, and I still loved him. Another movie moment, Mr Dream was moving to UK. He got his dream job again.

I kept thinking that it was such a cute, sweet little story. How we always meet each other, and yet somethings always keeps us for being together. But I realised it is all just a dream. Reality is nothing like that. Reality is, Im still hurt from the break up with Mr Great. And My head is racing to the reality point. I have leave my sweet dream, and catch up the reality.

So that day, I went to Mr Dream's farewell picnic. I looked at him, may be for the last time, I looked at my dream that may be one day we would finally be together. But I realised it was all just dream. It was sweet but It wasnt real. I said goodbye, and that was the reality. That it was nothing. It doesnt matter to me anymore. I woke up, I saw the reality, and Im in such a mess. But I am going to face it.