Hope Vs Fear

I've been screwed up in my head this past few days. It all happened on friday night when I decided to finally pick up my ex's phone call. I did, and he was in a bad condition, he wanted to get back together. He said he made a big mistake. He thinks that we can start it all over again. And so I've been thinking what would be the best decision for me. I mean, I didnt want to be selfish, but I had to protect my heart. He dumped me, remember?

It was like a small election, heart vs head. My heart told me that I still love him dearly, I missed him. And even more, it hurt like hell to think that what happened between us would never happen again. I was tortured by all the memories, the times when we laughed together, Laksa King moment, the breakfast at Fitzroy, stupid things that happened, even times when he annoyed me. It all just kinda killed me slowly. My heart told me that things would be easier to just get back together with him.

But the other party, my head told me all the rational things. And I knew that I'd always been a logical person, this was in fact the first time I find it hard to decide between heart and head. I felt like, I could never be in a relationship, thinking that there isnt any certainty. I mean, he broke up with me because he wasn't sure about me. I didnt know how it must feel to be in one while thinking that he could give up on us again anytime. Plus, this break up would be a weak foundation for our second relationship.

So today, while America decided to elect Obama (Go Obama I love YOU!) I decided that I would go for my head. I chose change. I chose hope over fear, so I didnt have to be dealing with constant fear of him giving up on me again. I hope that things are going to get better after I get over him.