Pre Break Up Anniversary

It's almost a year since we broke up.

I can't believe how fast time goes

even thinking about it gives me a goosebumps

like I had this sudden emotional feeling

a year since that beautiful relationship ended

and thinking about things I went through the past year...

like I could cry thinking about all the ups and down

the denial, the decision to not get back together

I remember avoiding him, missing him,

crying for him, and striving to block out all the feelings

the many insecurities, the anger I had to him and the world

and not to forget... all the drunken nights

And the past week Ive been feeling emotional

its almost a year...

I keep feeling like I should see him

and find out how he has been

its almost like an unfinished business

I guess some part of me just really miss him

so I decided to text him and asked him to catch up

So we did today

I hugged him when I saw him

I knew I missed him. a lot.

I knew I still care a lot about this guy

and all the anger just disappeared

it was kinda awkward at first

but we ended up talking just the way we used to

The thing is, I then realised that he hasn't changed much

he's still very immature, hanging out with his young friends

and complains about work, and somehow

I felt like some part of him is okey or even

proud of that early-20-ish attitude.

And I guess that was why he broke up with me as first

you know, the indecisiveness, the self centred ness

I cant help being emotional looking at him

like this guy, I just wanna hug him because I miss him a lot

yet I know for sure that things are never going to work out

and that is the reason why I didnt want to get back together

Im a logical person, and I dont do things that wont work out

I went home after saying bye to him

and giving him another big hug

on the way home, I found myself back to the old question

this question was in my head a year ago

"When it comes to love and relationship,

should we be following our heart, or our brain?"