Patience is a Virtue

Currently, I'm feeling like I haven't had anything

eventful in my life. Like, nothing is a real deal.

Things are just dull.

Did you ever feel like you should be doing something

bigger than what you are currently doing?

And also you feel like if it's not gonna happen now

it might never happen?

I feel like I'm being chased to make a big move

or some kind of life changing decision.

And I don't know what.

But think again, we're only young once.

And I constantly feel scared that I'm letting my youth

passes by, and wasting it.

I'm afraid I'm not having enough fun,

not dating enough boys, not experiencing enough things.

Coz we're only young once.

Worry

I'm slowly realising that things that matter to you today

might no longer matter tomorrow. And I do hope that all this worry

would be gone when I wake up tomorrow...

2010 so far...

This year so far;

secured my position as one of the key supervisors,

made peace with my ex by finally

having a proper chat about our break up.

Having a crush on someone

Went to the Horrors just because he was going.

Went on a date for fun (with a different guy)

Saved enough money

and had the best time in my life in Tokyo

Shopped til I dropped in Tokyo

Saw snow for the first time in my life

and I did it all on my own.

I cooked more and declared

that it is one of my hobbies!

Got cook books for my birthday

I was convinced that I was so madly in love

again, after a long long time

with this guy, who is sooo different

problem is he was a player

and he got me so miserable

oh well at least I feel again at last

Kissed a straight French guy

Got super insecure after The Architect

didn't choose me,

And started some sort of a metaphysical crisis

and that leads to a French class

and that leads to an illustration class.

And that leads to thinking that I should

discover myself again.

I cut 2 people out of my life

bad bad bad influence.

I turned 25!

Quarter of a century.

I worked so hard, I was considered

to overtaken my manager's job.

But then I get tired of it

I get myself thinking and considering

other things in the future.

A guy rejected me for a friend

a friend sort of betrayed me.

Again insecure

but Im getting better.

Giving the Architect a second chance

and we became friends, and kissing

but best thing is realising how he's not

how he is in my head.

I realised that it's not worth it

and that he is not for me.

That's the end of the story with

my biggest crush this year.

And now, planning to go to a friend's place

for NYE, and may be going somewhere else later

you know, I want to challenge myself, and

have more fun in 2011.

So please I can't wait to start the fun!

About Me

Just trying to immortalize my 'about me' section on facebook

it's time to change it, you know, it's almost 2011!

Im not a student anymore, I work and I try to have fun. I eat a lot, Im thin, I sing, I draw, I socialise, I cook a lot, I love cooking for the people I care about. May be it's something I did not have enough growing up. I drink, I smoke, I get confused, Im a loving person, I listen to people, I love my friends, I like horror movies coz it keeps us closer, I get offended when my friends dont trust me, I get annoyed by self righteous argumentative people, I love my Mom, I love my Sis, I miss and love my dad, I get homesick, I live in Melbourne, I like fashion and dream of one day having my own label, I love music, Im a hard worker, I drink coffee once a day, I get annoyed when my girlfriends act like im their boyfriend, I don't like people who depend too much on me, i hate arguing, I love youtube, I go home alone, I dont watch tv often, I've been alone, Ive been fucked up in the head, I'll be ok, I'm strong, Im weak, Im emotional, I cry in my own time but I think my heart died (it's recovering), I laugh at myself, I miss brunswick street, I want you and a glass of beer, I want to shop to max out my credit card, I cant wait to grow up, I wanna experience things, Im just mweh.

Unforgiving and Unloving

Sometimes in life, you'll meet a guy you're crazy about.

He got you listening and romancing on pop songs to classics

He got you dreaming about all the beautiful possibilities.

And sometimes you realize that once you finally got the

chance to get to know him, or to be with him, that it's not

all what you think it would be.

And it all was simply not worth it...

So you get over him, and move on to the next one :)

P.s. Dear Architect, thank you for finally being interested in me. Sadly, it was

nothing like I imagined. So good bye, hope you find that person you love.

The fact is, Im not willing to be with someone with shit ex-es.

Much of love.

Friday I'm Still In Love

I've been okay

I've been fine, I think I'm slowly forgetting everything

and I'm seeing the bigger picture. I'm seeing the reality.

The fact is, we are never gonna happen.

I've been fine. Really fine.

But I would be lying if I say that I don't care anymore

I'd be lying if I say that you never come across my mind.

As a matter of fact, I'm fine, but I still think about it.

I still wonder why things can't be just fine, just the way

I dream about it.

Just go, please go, do what you like.

Oh well, I'm pushing you out of my head again.

Because I can't do this forever.

Love, b.

Hopeful and Healing

I asked myself so many times recently,

what is it that makes me truly happy?

I diagnosed myself with some sort of metaphysical crisis.

And I blame The Architect for starting this mental state.

But anyway, it's been long overdue, I should've been able to

just move on, find someone else. I keep feeling like

it's an unfinished business though. Like, I'm trapped in

a little dream I created about him and I.

And sometimes you just have to wake up to see the reality.

I went to see him again. And ummm I went through

some more of that ecstatic dream state again.

I played over and over in my head, what this will be

like this time. May be it would finally work out.

But no, he's just the same dickhead I fell for.

And the pain that came with the realization woke me up again.

I woke up the next day, in pain.

But there was a moment when I was lying in my bed

when I felt like, I see the reality now. And it wasn't that bad.

Then I felt the pain again, but I keep reminding myself

'at least I'm awake now. at least I can see the truth.'

I took myself out for lunch. I love being alone in a restaurant

with communal tables, I just felt like I'm not alone yet,

I don't have to worry about anything that everyone's thinking.

I tried to let go, I tried to see the reality every time that painful

disappointment kicked in again. Somehow after a while

I feel calmer. I feel like, I'm finally awake.

And it felt good, because you can never start healing

when you haven't really seen the reality.