That Little Joy In Life

After that short period of metaphysical crisis,

I've found myself looking back at the past.

I've been trying to remember what was

that little thing in life that I used to enjoy.

For the first week, I was somehow convinced

that nothing has changed, I thought

I still do everything the same way.

But then in one of my day off (they're usually

quite fun, but yet meaningless),

I remember that I used to watch some film

in Nova's Cheap Monday, so I did went.

And I had the most fun. So fun, it's like

I'm having fun to the very deeper sense of it.

And then I knew, things definitely have changed

since back then when I was so full of life

and so full of this need to enjoy life.

Since that moment, I kept finding

more things that I used to enjoy.

I asked myself these questions...

'when was the last time you sing in your room,

just for the fun of it?'

'when was the last time you do a little dance

when your favourite song came up?'

Again just for the fun of it.

'when was the last time you get lost in

the moment when you think about your dreams?'

'and sometimes during that moment

you made a little scribble on a piece of paper

and you had fun doing it'

'and when you get transported into that

peaceful place from listening to the jazz...'

ah I'm putting Keith Jarrett on,

and I've decided that I'm going to

commit my 25th year to find those little joy

in life again...

P.S. Life's too short and too much fun to be an angry hater. mwa.

I Don't Know How You People Do It!

I really don't know how you people do it.

How do you manage to stay in for

the whole day and do nothing?

Like, watching DVD, or web-browsing?

Like, how is it that you could

calm yourself down doing a single activity?

I've tried doing similar things

but everytime Im trying to settle

in doing one thing, my mind always wonders

and it kinds of dictates me to do other things

I feel so restless

I feel so eternally bored.

I feel like I hate my life.

Why can't I just fucking enjoy the simpleness

of simply doing nothing.

What is it that Im looking for?

I want to find that contentment in something

that's very simple...

Being Almost A Quarter Of A Century

Work's been such a nightmare since I came back.

Like literally, I had 3 store visits

in my first 3 days back.

Not to mention setting up for

the April event sale.

It was so tiring and stressful because

it was my first days in my new department

and plus, my manager was away for 2 weeks.

So pretty much I dealt with everything

single handedly.

Finally a long weekend, and

Adrian came to town. Of course

we went out partying. In between the drinks

I said, I cant believe Im almost 25.

That's freaky isn't it?

He said, yeah I remember I freaked out

when I turned 25.

Then I started thinking again...

Like, Im turning a quarter of a century

and I've only been in one relationship

only dating a few guys.

And I have a job that pays the bills

but it just seems like, everything is

so time consuming that I began to feel

like it's taking me further and further away

from my ultimate goal.

When I think of my future it would be

fashion, and I still think so strongly

about it. Work has consumed so much

of my time, and I started to make excuses

for not doing anything for fashion.

But seriously, if I don't start doing it now,

when am I gonna start?

I've been thinking about it again today.

And I thought, I'm almost 25

It's time to refocus on what I wanted.

Last year I focused on getting that

security in my job and money

and I'm probably not there yet now,

but I think I'm in an okay position.

I think I need to make a start in doing what

I love doing, and start planning again

for the long term goal.

Im thinking of taking a few short courses

for the start, and everything else can follow...

Tokyo and The Never-ending Question

I think I fell in love with Tokyo.

I loved it for the city, for the uniqueness

the food, the shopping, and most of all

I loved being surrounded by my friends.

I mean, I loved having coffee in the morning

with them, and complained about

how shit the coffee is in Tokyo.

At the same time, we talked about how

easy it is to get good coffee in Melbourne.

I love then having breakfast with them.

Just anything, or a Burger Lunch set from

Journal Standard.

And then just talked about things again

until dinner time, and then my favourite

would be having yakitori night.

All yummy skewers, and anything

with all you can drink, and but of course

indoor smoking. And then parties...

And the Japanese guys in Tokyo

are hot... I talked to a guy, he's really cool

good body, and handsome

but he doesn't speak much English

and as you know, I dont speak any Japanese

at the end of the night he kissed.

And not how I expected him to kiss me.

He literally just gave me a quick smooch

on my lips. No tongue, no french kissing.

On the way home in the cab my friend said

the Japanese guys are shy.

Ah, and he also said, 'I think he's bad.'

'I saw his tattoo, I think he's a part of the

Yakuza...'

When I was leaving Tokyo

I felt somehow so emotional about it.

Like, I love my friends there.

And it really just saddens me to think

that I won't see them for at least a few years

and may be in a few years time, they won't

all be there at the same place.

It got me thinking about searching

for the place I can call home.

Like the biggest question for me is

'Do we go places to get the thrill of it,

or do we look for a place we can call home.'

I think at the end everyone looks for a home.

And I simply haven't found one.

Indonesia is my home town, but I don't

think I can call it home.

Melbourne, is like my city. I live, I enjoy

I love and hate it at the same time.

So I guess after several times thinking

I came to a conclusion that where ever

you home is, you need to have the loved one

there with you to make it real.

At the end, it was an answer that just keeps

me questioning more about my contentment.

Tokyo

First thing I did when I got to Tokyo;

I gave William a big hug. I missed him

it had been way too long.

Met Mitz, and then Adrian and Takky

Lunch in this tiny but place called Camp Curry

Love the food, then I decided to go to

Harajuku by myself. I told you

I want to get lost, I want to experience

silly things, I want stop planning too much

things in my head.

It's like trying to break free from the

regular order of how things work in

my life. It was meant to be the most

out-of-control thing I'd ever do.

But later I found out that I have this scarily

amazing sense of direction. I didn't get lost,

not a single time during my stay. Not at all.

I even went to Asakusa alone. I went to

seek for some peacefulness in Meiji Jingu,

went to Kabuki theatre 50 days before

they shut it down.

I went to Tsukiji fish market early in the morning

and had the freshest sushi donburi,

I love the sea urchin there.

And I didn't get lost at all...

And just when I thought I'd never get

the chance to do the whole out-of-control thing

I started finding cool shops and they

are soooo incredibly priced...

I went shopping everyday. I decided

to just ignore the credit card bill

that would choke me when I go home.

I just bought everything that I want.

It felt so liberating, and I love how

I was so out of control...

And somewhere after that tiny souvenir shop

in Shibuya, to Edifice, 417, Hanjiro in Shinjuku

and Shima Kitazawa, I remember taking

a deep breath, and thought to myself

Hard work pays...

Since The Last Time I Had The Jarome Moment

It's been a while I know.

It had been that kind of time in between

emotional peacefulness and that kind of

peacefulness from being overly busy.

It's great actually thinking that life's

been super happening.

That I don't really have to suffer from having

those mundane moments.

So yeah, I didn't even realized what I wrote

last time, I had to look into my own's page

and where I left you last time.

I thought of writing everything in one post

but it would be way too long.

So here, I'll just separate the post into several sections...

mwa mwa.